mental health

The Only Way
by

The Only Way

Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com
Two roads diverged ahead of me
to avoid the most sour
or find the most sweet,
I looked both ways before choosing my street.

By choosing one, I'd neglect the other
In fact, there may be thousands, 
I'd never discover.
Yet standing still brought me even less.

Preferring somewhere to nowhere
I chose left which I judged a-right
would bring me to
the best fruit in sight

After just a few steps
I stubbed my toe
This wasn't the way
it was supposed to go!

I glanced back
the way I came
it seemed every other way
had less shame.

I saw my friends go whizzing by
while my progress was labored and slow
I didn't even really know
if I was headed where I wanted to go.

But, to quit now, I'd lose
the promising fruit.
So making the best of it,
I kept moving each foot.

I felt heavier and heavier;
it seemed a great weight.
"Surely there's more," I thought
"This can't be my fate."

"I might be flying
if I let go of this sack.
These things are just
holding me back."

So I turned again
and looked where I'd been.
Every road looked better
than the one I was in.

"If only", "should have", 
"would have" and "never"
mocked me from every other
possible golden path.

Just when I thought,
"I might as well quit"
and decided to rub my feet
while I'd sit,

I looked at my fruit 
that had come at such cost
All I worked for, protected, and carried
was not lost.

I saw now that no one could
take them from me
I had gathered them 
on the way to the tree.

I looked around again
and saw it was true.
You can't travel any road
without a bump or two. 

Those paths that had all looked 
so brilliant and smooth
had hazards and costs
and benefits, too.

I needed to come this way!
I'd do it again.
I'm glad I'm here.
I'll move on and then..

I'll keep choosing a street
and I'll keep moving on
it is the only way
to who I will become.

DSH
by

The Losin’ it list : Major melt-down prevention

A time-lapse animation of icecubes melting in ...

A time-lapse animation of icecubes melting in a glass (50 minutes). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I, and two other friends I know and probably others, have been teetering on the edge of losing it.

I realized recently that when I get overloaded or overdo it, I have definite signals that I’m moving into the red zone.  I should really write those down.  I got started and amazed myself–two small pages long of all the things I do that are unlike myself and should be very strong clues to

A)  Get Help

B)  Get more rest

C)  Stop doing some things for a while

D) Take better care of my physical health

E)  All of the above

Sometimes the treadmill is going so fast that I feel I can’t ask for help.  That would be a disaster just like stopping the pace to get some water without stepping off the belt.  It wouldn’t help, it would  just lead to a crash.  But, not asking for help soon enough can end us up in the same spot anyway–crashed in a heap.

We all know that we should not do too much or too little.  But, how do we know when we are being too self-indugent and lazy or too self-sacrifizing and crazy???

I’m not sure about the first limit.  Today I’m just trying to prevent crazy.

For one of my friends it is yelling.  Yelling is on my Losin’ it list, too.  Believe it or not, I usually do NOT yell.  So, when I start to do it regularly, I might start to get a clue that I need to start looking in the mirror and caring better for myself.

I’m sure the losin’ it list would be person specific for everyone.

For instance, I hate to waste food.  I really love to use my left overs in some creative way to be sure it doesn’t end up going down the drain.  But this last week I had to throw away lettuce, bread, a ton of left overs, etc.  This is a major clue that my life speed is not matching up to my optimal pace.

We ate too much junk food, fast food, frozen food and snack food.

I spent too much money on all that easy, unhealthy food.

Hotels and Mental hospitals look strangely enticing

I want to sit around and watch TV (I normally do not enjoy watching TV by myself)

I miss my pilates class especially more than once (I love pilates and I never miss)

I waste time through confusion, lack of planning, distraction or fatigue

I am not writing anything (even on busy days I am usually list making or keeping up my 5 year journal)

I am not talking to anyone or visiting anyone (I love to look out for people)

or I am talking my head off too much about my situation or my problems (I’m sure it is tiring to hear)

The mess in my house is driving me absolutely nuts and I wish Monk lived at my house.  His level of order and organization looks REALLY REFRESHING

Sitting or laying down sounds way better to me than moving (when usually sitting still for too long is a punishment to me)

Listening and concentrating is difficult

I am angry or very sad or very frustrated or very WHATEVER

This is my list.  The challenge, then, is to recognize it and try to delegate or get help before I really have to find that hospital or join Monk in his ritual cleaning.

The other challenge is not to compare myself to others.  I know sometimes I can handle way more than other times.  It is hard to accept, but I guess if my goal is to keep the peace (especially inner peace) I need to be a friend to myself.

I really want to be helpful and useful to the world.  How can I do that very well in a major melt-down?  I guess I will have to recognize the danger signals and act sooner to prevent overload or explosion.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)