All the past, my own along with all who have ever lived, every discovery, every word written, every whisper of legacy whether good or bad converges into one purpose: To help me live now and succeed beautifully in the present, one living moment at a time. © 2007 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)
I reject rejection
Have you ever felt pressure to ignore someone, laugh at something not funny, or walk past someone alone? In a society that finds entertainment viewing “fails,” I think adults often carry around left over adolescent views and pain. We are all human. We need to belong. (And, we do).
To refuse to recognize or befriend a “loser” or “misfit” you must believe there is such a thing.
Many people are easy to overlook because they are quiet, inactive, or otherwise don’t participate. Maybe they aren’t even there so they are easy not to miss. We don’t know much about them. They might come late, or leave early, or not share much about themselves. Maybe we don’t even remember their name. Maybe we never knew. They might not be looking, smelling, or acting in ways we enjoy being around. Maybe we can’t communicate with them literally or figuratively.
To avoid people entirely that we don’t automatically understand or enjoy is to miss out on what they can teach us. It is to miss out on their unique gifts and strengths that without digging deeper you may never see. It is to avoid an opportunity to stretch your friendship and your comfort zone.
Research has shown that we enjoy being in homogenous groups, but those groups don’t lead to the best decisions. Turns out we need diversity as much as each diverse person needs a friend.
To accept a “place” in a social hierarchy especially in a static or permanent way is to admit belief that such a structure exists. I reject this!
Of course there are people more and less successful in some ways. Some people are more powerful or stronger. Some have more money. Some have more family, more possessions, or more friends. But why do people insist that this changes their value? I don’t think it does.
Value to society. Can that be measured? I suppose anti-social behaviors, crimes, and harm can definitely weaken us. And, pro-social work, fairness, and compassionate service do contribute. I’m not suggesting that these things can’t be measured.
But what I am saying, for example, is that you can’t compare a person with cerebral palsy with a person that is a genius and say one is more valuable. How could you compare how many people derive purpose, challenge and inspiration from one vs the other? How can you measure the degree of impact?
So, in this one way, one friend is as good as another. They are both equally valuable–infinitely valuable. But they certainly are unique, irreplaceable, and priceless. No one else can be you, ever. The same goes for every other. So, no–no other friend is the same as another.
“Let your freak flag fly” is one way I have heard this pride in individuality proclaimed. I love the idea of you being you and me being me without fear. But, this attitude seems to be loud and almost obnoxious. I think all of us have at some point felt alone, rejected, misfit, or not good enough. We all have weaknesses. But, I also think we don’t have to brag and annoy people with our differences. We all have those, too.
We can not believe we are on top if we are humble. We can not believe we are on the bottom if we are honest, either.
We only see what we measure for, so what about all the ways we aren’t measuring? What about all the impacts on people and through time that we can not calculate?
There is something to learn from everyone (even bad examples).
There is something to give.
There is something to receive.
A priceless interchange if we are willing and able to make the leap.
Like a synapse jump across neurons that light up the brain. It can spark even if the contact is brief.
I dare you to reject rejection with me.
DarEll S. Hoskisson
(treat me how you want me to be)
**Check her soul and you will find a little girl with little pride all she needs is love and a try Help me see what I could be treat me kind and patiently next move I make, I'll surprise even me. I'm asking you to queen me. Queen me and you will see I'll come back with majesty Every inch that you give me I'll give you back as royalty.
My declaration to independence
*setting a course toward mutually rewarding human interdependence with dependence on God alone
I wrote this with a determined effort to write for my children what I thought would bring them happiness and freedom. It includes my faith. I value and respect others’ beliefs even if different from my own. I originally wrote, “we believe” but no other person has signed it or had a hand in creating it other than myself. Therefore, this is what I believe:
I believe that God made us a family.
I believe that each person in the family and ultimately in our human family is a son or daughter of God with equal, infinite worth and is worthy of love, respect, and kindness. (I would add now: but is not necessarily worthy of trust and/or proximity to me)
I believe that life is sacred. While all are of equal worth, all are not equal in ability, maturity or opportunity. Therefore, I value people for everything good that they are, all the good they have been, and for all the good they may yet become. (Also the positive contributions they made, have done and will do in the future).
I believe that righteous living honors God, our parents, our family, and our religion, and I boldly ignore those that would persuade me otherwise.
I believe that God does not give up on us or set us up to fail, and I commit to never give up on my family and to help each one succeed. I value loyalty to God, family, and country.
I believe that true happiness comes from unity with God, His laws, and with others. I believe happiness is impossible without gratitude. Therefore, I strive to enjoy, to appreciate, and to share every blessing.
I believe that peace is dependent on trusting God and loving truth. I believe that as I find joy in reality, I will demonstrate my trust in God’s will and that such faith will turn the key to miracles-discovering his will for me and unlocking great mysteries.
I believe that while others may have power to subject me physically, that no person or power can take away my personal right to choose my attitude, my values, my beliefs or my ability to pray.
I value difficult people, situations and problems as the incredible catalysts they are in my personal growth.
I value my opportunity to make a unique and positive contribution to humanity. I seek to develop my talents and abilities so that I can be a useful, wise steward. I strive to be loving and to help myself and others grow.
I value all honorable work and its force for good. I seek to value, protect, clean, repair and maintain all blessings including my body, animals and property entrusted to my care and to endeavor to teach my children to do the same. I seek to avoid waste.
I value my ability and right to make mistakes while I progress, learn self-mastery, and practice stewardship. I am glad to be human and give myself and others space to try again and again and again. I believe in Christ’s atonement for myself and others.
I value and respect the rules of our home, schools, employment and government for the clarity, order and peace they engender. I value limits on my behavior and choices insofar as they are helpful to prevent harm, chaos and conflict for all. I strive to work with others in appropriate ways to change rules that are oppressive or contrary to God’s laws.
I value the uniqueness of others and look for the good in them. I seek for harmony and synergy over being right, winning, or dominating. I strive to protect confidences, to avoid gossip, and to preserve the privacy and good name of others.
I seek to leave judgment to God, to mind my own business, and to choose what is best for myself. I allow others the same privilege as long as it does not infringe on the rights or safety of other people, animals, or property.
I believe that the person upset owns the problem to the extent that he or she has the awareness, the power, and the responsibility to discover his or her own part and to propose a mutually agreeable solution. When an offending party is unwilling or unable to admit the truth, to work towards a mutually healthy solution, or to care, I believe it is fully within the upset person’s rights to do something in order to protect themself, helpless, innocent or unsuspecting others, animals and property from willful harm. I believe it is also that person’s responsibility to seek, to ask for or to yell for help using all resources available as needed to prevent repeated victimization.
I value honesty.
I value language and strive to use its power with all my strength, talents, and resources to do good: to serve, to bless, to cheer, to build, to unite, and to get help. I recognize my opportunity and my responsibility to ask for what I need and want from others and from God.
I view my family membership as a privilege and covenant responsibility. I value the opportunity we have to spend time together, to enjoy family traditions together, to pray together, to serve each other, to work and play together and to live together because we want to.
I value creativity, individuality and fun. What needs to be done can be done in many ways with personality and style. I give myself permission to be me and also give you permission to be you.
I reserve the right to alter these core beliefs, values, and responsibilities as needed to match natural law and truth and to support and defend our privilege to seek freedom that is mutually conducive to life, love, and learning.
–DarEll S. Hoskisson
My brother, my sister
Sick– hurt, health
I am here with you
What is so worth it?
What really makes any difference at all?
Experiencing this life with all the rewards and hurts–anguish and peace.
Sharing those times with others.
Making someone’s load lighter.
Learning from mistakes.
Getting up in the morning.
Finding a different sight.
“If you rest, you rust.”–Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr
Productivity and efficiency are both such attractive topics to me. I love the idea that work can always be done better. And, I know people who are both more productive and more efficient than I am, proving it can be done.
In my notebook I have anonymous quotes that caught my eye:
“He had no wasted motion.”
“Things happened coming and going.”
In many ways I have been afraid of rest (and rust). I don’t like to waste time. Rest often seems like a waste and can look very lazy to others as well.
However, I have found in practice that always trying to do things as fast as possible is very stressful for me. I prefer to relax and enjoy what I am doing rather than race against time or a schedule. My temperament is high strung and anxious. Doing things quickly, under stress, is actually less productive for me.
For example, I stress to pack the family for the trip to Disney, we rush out the door to leave at the appointed time, and one hour into the journey I remember the tickets are home.
When overly stressed I forget things, lose or misplace important items, and sometimes lose my patience when a more paced procedure would actually save me time.
I now think that rest is important for all people. We need to punctuate times of high stress and activity with low stress and rest periods. But, especially if you are high strung like I am, the counterintuitive slow method might actually work better for you.
The navy seals have a saying that “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” This is a different way to look at efficiency.
But, how do you go slowly and still do things fast? I am not sure I have the answer to that question. Many tasks seem to take as much time as you give them. And, I have never been good at estimating time.
Ways that do work for me:
I set my own deadlines early with a couple of days grace period in case I get behind or life surprises me. That extra planned cushion relieves stress and allows me to focus on a task without the distraction of worry.
I plan in larger chunks of time with fewer transitions. I have never done well with a minute by minute schedule. It makes me feel like a robot with no freedom, and if anyone even speaks to me it ends up making me late like dominos all throughout the day. I want to talk to people. I want to be a person who has time for other people. I feel the world is harsh enough without all of us too busy to even be human to each other. I don’t feel like myself when a routine task seems to be more important than a precious person. This is a personal value betrayal. So, I have to have grace time within my life if at all possible.
There is an old latin phrase, “festina lente” which means to hurry slowly. I like that.
I like being the hare not the tortoise. So I need to pace my pulses and pauses in such a way that I’m not too active or too slow for too long. Like setting the wavelength of a beautiful wave, I think each pattern might be individual. My husband, for example, likes a steady pace (and he usually will beat me).
So, I’m giving myself permission to not only rest, but trust myself that I will get up and go. I do. I enjoy working hard and making a difference every day. I am thankful for that motivation.
I just can’t run off so fast that my rest is a collapse. Instead, I am going to practice hurrying slowly.
DarEll S. Hoskisson
I’m Going Your Way
Haven't I seen your face before? When last I walked this way, I never noticed you. I was blinded by other things such small and nameless things were you always there? I couldn't see your wounds or scars, you felt no warmth from me; of how, could you ever call me, "friend?" Neighbor, dear neighbor, what shall I do? Could the touch of my hand be his gift to you? and have I walked by your way, saying others will stay? When next I come, will his work be done? For today, I'm going your way. His eyes were kind, they saw everything and whene'er he walked my way, He always noticed me. I was sorrowing for many things through pain and suffering he was always there. He could see every wound and scar He gave new life to me; of how, Could I ever serve my friend? Neighbor, dear neighbor, yes, I will do. May the touch of my hand be his gift to you. And as I pass by your way, I will see you and pray "Each time I come, may his work be done. Dear Savior, I'm going your way." --DarEll S. Hoskisson
The Only Way
Two roads diverged ahead of me to avoid the most sour or find the most sweet, I looked both ways before choosing my street. By choosing one, I'd neglect the other In fact, there may be thousands, I'd never discover. Yet standing still brought me even less. Preferring somewhere to nowhere I chose left which I judged a-right would bring me to the best fruit in sight After just a few steps I stubbed my toe This wasn't the way it was supposed to go! I glanced back the way I came it seemed every other way had less shame. I saw my friends go whizzing by while my progress was labored and slow I didn't even really know if I was headed where I wanted to go. But, to quit now, I'd lose the promising fruit. So making the best of it, I kept moving each foot. I felt heavier and heavier; it seemed a great weight. "Surely there's more," I thought "This can't be my fate." "I might be flying if I let go of this sack. These things are just holding me back." So I turned again and looked where I'd been. Every road looked better than the one I was in. "If only", "should have", "would have" and "never" mocked me from every other possible golden path. Just when I thought, "I might as well quit" and decided to rub my feet while I'd sit, I looked at my fruit that had come at such cost All I worked for, protected, and carried was not lost. I saw now that no one could take them from me I had gathered them on the way to the tree. I looked around again and saw it was true. You can't travel any road without a bump or two. Those paths that had all looked so brilliant and smooth had hazards and costs and benefits, too. I needed to come this way! I'd do it again. I'm glad I'm here. I'll move on and then.. I'll keep choosing a street and I'll keep moving on it is the only way to who I will become. DSH
The oil is your heart and soul to light The wick in your eyes burning bright The spirit shines from your lighted wick The light, not the lantern, does the trick. DSH
God made me free to be me from my own unique face to my taking up this space. It's true, another could take my job or my spot but be another me? Of course not! Irreplaceable is what I am. I'm one of a kind and so like a snowflake, I have a beauty all my own. Though I may quit or fail or die, no other you can take my I.
And so, I’d better do my best to be
all the best I have in me.