I reject rejection

Have you ever felt pressure to ignore someone, laugh at something not funny, or walk past someone alone? In a society that finds entertainment viewing “fails,” I think adults often carry around left over adolescent views and pain. We are all human. We need to belong. (And, we do).

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To refuse to recognize or befriend a “loser” or “misfit” you must believe there is such a thing.

Many people are easy to overlook because they are quiet, inactive, or otherwise don’t participate. Maybe they aren’t even there so they are easy not to miss. We don’t know much about them. They might come late, or leave early, or not share much about themselves. Maybe we don’t even remember their name. Maybe we never knew. They might not be looking, smelling, or acting in ways we enjoy being around. Maybe we can’t communicate with them literally or figuratively.

To avoid people entirely that we don’t automatically understand or enjoy is to miss out on what they can teach us. It is to miss out on their unique gifts and strengths that without digging deeper you may never see. It is to avoid an opportunity to stretch your friendship and your comfort zone.

Research has shown that we enjoy being in homogenous groups, but those groups don’t lead to the best decisions. Turns out we need diversity as much as each diverse person needs a friend.

To accept a “place” in a social hierarchy especially in a static or permanent way is to admit belief that such a structure exists. I reject this!

Of course there are people more and less successful in some ways. Some people are more powerful or stronger. Some have more money. Some have more family, more possessions, or more friends. But why do people insist that this changes their value? I don’t think it does.

Value to society. Can that be measured? I suppose anti-social behaviors, crimes, and harm can definitely weaken us. And, pro-social work, fairness, and compassionate service do contribute. I’m not suggesting that these things can’t be measured.

But what I am saying, for example, is that you can’t compare a person with cerebral palsy with a person that is a genius and say one is more valuable. How could you compare how many people derive purpose, challenge and inspiration from one vs the other? How can you measure the degree of impact?

So, in this one way, one friend is as good as another. They are both equally valuable–infinitely valuable. But they certainly are unique, irreplaceable, and priceless. No one else can be you, ever. The same goes for every other. So, no–no other friend is the same as another.

“Let your freak flag fly” is one way I have heard this pride in individuality proclaimed. I love the idea of you being you and me being me without fear. But, this attitude seems to be loud and almost obnoxious. I think all of us have at some point felt alone, rejected, misfit, or not good enough. We all have weaknesses. But, I also think we don’t have to brag and annoy people with our differences. We all have those, too.

We can not believe we are on top if we are humble. We can not believe we are on the bottom if we are honest, either.

We only see what we measure for, so what about all the ways we aren’t measuring? What about all the impacts on people and through time that we can not calculate?

There is something to learn from everyone (even bad examples).

There is something to give.

There is something to receive.

A priceless interchange if we are willing and able to make the leap.

Like a synapse jump across neurons that light up the brain. It can spark even if the contact is brief.

Photo by Philippe Donn on Pexels.com

I dare you to reject rejection with me.

Namaste,

DarEll S. Hoskisson

12/8/22

Queen Me

Queen Me

(treat me how you want me to be)

**Check her soul and you will find
a little girl with little pride
all she needs is love and a try

Help me see what I could be
treat me kind and patiently
next move I make, I'll surprise even me.
I'm asking you to 
queen me.

Queen me and you will see
I'll come back with majesty
Every inch that you give me
I'll give you back as royalty.
Outdoor chess at Bletchley Park by Tiger is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0
My declaration to independence

My declaration to independence

*setting a course toward mutually rewarding human interdependence with dependence on God alone

I wrote this with a determined effort to write for my children what I thought would bring them happiness and freedom. It includes my faith. I value and respect others’ beliefs even if different from my own. I originally wrote, “we believe” but no other person has signed it or had a hand in creating it other than myself. Therefore, this is what I believe:

I believe that God made us a family.

I believe that each person in the family and ultimately in our human family is a son or daughter of God with equal, infinite worth and is worthy of love, respect, and kindness. (I would add now: but is not necessarily worthy of trust and/or proximity to me)

I believe that life is sacred. While all are of equal worth, all are not equal in ability, maturity or opportunity. Therefore, I value people for everything good that they are, all the good they have been, and for all the good they may yet become. (Also the positive contributions they made, have done and will do in the future).

I believe that righteous living honors God, our parents, our family, and our religion, and I boldly ignore those that would persuade me otherwise.

I believe that God does not give up on us or set us up to fail, and I commit to never give up on my family and to help each one succeed. I value loyalty to God, family, and country.

I believe that true happiness comes from unity with God, His laws, and with others. I believe happiness is impossible without gratitude. Therefore, I strive to enjoy, to appreciate, and to share every blessing.

I believe that peace is dependent on trusting God and loving truth. I believe that as I find joy in reality, I will demonstrate my trust in God’s will and that such faith will turn the key to miracles-discovering his will for me and unlocking great mysteries.

I believe that while others may have power to subject me physically, that no person or power can take away my personal right to choose my attitude, my values, my beliefs or my ability to pray.

I value difficult people, situations and problems as the incredible catalysts they are in my personal growth.

I value my opportunity to make a unique and positive contribution to humanity. I seek to develop my talents and abilities so that I can be a useful, wise steward. I strive to be loving and to help myself and others grow.

I value all honorable work and its force for good. I seek to value, protect, clean, repair and maintain all blessings including my body, animals and property entrusted to my care and to endeavor to teach my children to do the same. I seek to avoid waste.

I value my ability and right to make mistakes while I progress, learn self-mastery, and practice stewardship. I am glad to be human and give myself and others space to try again and again and again. I believe in Christ’s atonement for myself and others.

I value and respect the rules of our home, schools, employment and government for the clarity, order and peace they engender. I value limits on my behavior and choices insofar as they are helpful to prevent harm, chaos and conflict for all. I strive to work with others in appropriate ways to change rules that are oppressive or contrary to God’s laws.

I value the uniqueness of others and look for the good in them. I seek for harmony and synergy over being right, winning, or dominating. I strive to protect confidences, to avoid gossip, and to preserve the privacy and good name of others.

I seek to leave judgment to God, to mind my own business, and to choose what is best for myself. I allow others the same privilege as long as it does not infringe on the rights or safety of other people, animals, or property.

I believe that the person upset owns the problem to the extent that he or she has the awareness, the power, and the responsibility to discover his or her own part and to propose a mutually agreeable solution. When an offending party is unwilling or unable to admit the truth, to work towards a mutually healthy solution, or to care, I believe it is fully within the upset person’s rights to do something in order to protect themself, helpless, innocent or unsuspecting others, animals and property from willful harm. I believe it is also that person’s responsibility to seek, to ask for or to yell for help using all resources available as needed to prevent repeated victimization.

I value honesty.

I value language and strive to use its power with all my strength, talents, and resources to do good: to serve, to bless, to cheer, to build, to unite, and to get help. I recognize my opportunity and my responsibility to ask for what I need and want from others and from God.

I view my family membership as a privilege and covenant responsibility. I value the opportunity we have to spend time together, to enjoy family traditions together, to pray together, to serve each other, to work and play together and to live together because we want to.

I value creativity, individuality and fun. What needs to be done can be done in many ways with personality and style. I give myself permission to be me and also give you permission to be you.

I reserve the right to alter these core beliefs, values, and responsibilities as needed to match natural law and truth and to support and defend our privilege to seek freedom that is mutually conducive to life, love, and learning.

–DarEll S. Hoskisson

January 2008

My brother, my sister

Photo by Mizuno K on Pexels.com

Aching–muscles, hearts

Joy–smiles, souls

Crying–tear stains

Wrinkles–age, dimples

Sick– hurt, health

Money–blessing, curse

Hope–future, faith

Earth–rebirth, death

I am here with you

What is so worth it?

What matters?

What really makes any difference at all?

Experiencing this life with all the rewards and hurts–anguish and peace.

Sharing those times with others.

Making someone’s load lighter.

Learning from mistakes.

Getting up in the morning.

Finding a different sight.

–DSH ’97

I’m Going Your Way

I’m Going Your Way

Haven't I seen your face before?
When last I walked this way,
I never noticed you.

I was blinded by other things
such small and nameless things
were you always there?

I couldn't see your wounds or scars,
you felt no warmth from me; of how,
could you ever call me, "friend?"

Neighbor, dear neighbor, what shall I do?  
Could the touch of my hand be his gift to you?
and have I walked by your way, saying others will stay?

When next I come,
will his work be done?
For today, I'm going your way.

His eyes were kind, they saw everything
and whene'er he walked my way,
He always noticed me.

I was sorrowing for many things
through pain and suffering
he was always there.

He could see every wound and scar
He gave new life to me; of how,
Could I ever serve my friend?

Neighbor, dear neighbor, yes, I will do.
May the touch of my hand be his gift to you.
And as I pass by your way, I will see you and pray

"Each time I come,
may his work be done.  
Dear Savior, I'm going your way." 

--DarEll S. Hoskisson

Irreplaceable

Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com
God made me
free to be me
from my own unique face
to my taking up this space.

It's true, another could
take my job or my spot
but be another me?
Of course not!

Irreplaceable is what I am.
I'm one of a kind and so
like a snowflake,
I have a beauty all my own.

Though I may quit
or fail
or die,
no other you 
can take my I.

And so, I’d better do my best to be

all the best I have in me.

DSH 12/12/06