Author: personalabridgements

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Cotton Candy

Cotton Candy Making

Cotton Candy Making (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I watched my daughter

standing in line for cotton candy

at a school fundraising fair.

She was so kind,

she gave her place in line

to all the little children who came up behind her.

It quickly became clear

that she would NEVER get some, too;

and it would not have hurt a soul

if she’d just kept her place in line.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Recipe for healthy wants and also wants: an answer to hyperfocus

First get them in a single file line, a list works well,

then eliminate or delegate all I can not do

then set up a schedule

and let each one cycle through.

Now no want will go hungry

if it’s worth it’s place in line.

Remembering what I also want

satisfies me every time.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Scheduling is nothing new.  But, scheduling what I WANT was for me a big discovery.  I used to only schedule what I HAD to do and usually did NOT want to do.  Scheduling only what I have to do but don’t want to gave it a bad kind of aftertaste.

A schedule?  Something to be avoided!

I now schedule time for what I need and want and time for what my family needs and wants from me.  This seems to calm the demanding, screaming  of neglected needs I used to feel after every time I was busy for an extended period of time.

Stong focus is a strength and a weakness for me.  I can stay focused for a very long time, driven to the end.  But, I don’t feel hunger, thirst, bathroom needs, I don’t hear people talking around me and anyone needing something is really a bother that I push away.  If I had to get interupted, beware the wrath of train wreck!!  I was like a train going down hill.  Get on board or get out of the way!  But when I’m finished, all these needs come crying out to my awareness.

I had to give up my hyperfocus to be an attentive mom.  Now that my kids are older, I’m trying to reintegrate that power of attention.  I love working in the flow where time does not exist.  But, I’m trying to do it in a way that does not punish my body and family so much.

So far WHEN I keep to my schedule it is working very well.  I have to STOP which is often painful for me.  But, it is getting easier as I remember what I ALSO WANT and try to keep it from getting eaten alive by whatever I happen to be doing right now.

In fact, I want to write this, but I ALSO WANT my family to have dinner tonight.  So, as hard as it is to stop typing on this very interesting subject (I mean who doesn’t want EVERYTHING they want?)  It is easier to stop because I remember, I want and need to feed my family.

Love to all!  DarEll

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Hyperfocus

I had only one block of cheese

so I fed my favorite want.

It came nearer everyday

until it was eventually satisfied.

I was so happy

and proud of myself!

I had finally earned my prize!

What I wanted was achieved,

in my grasp, obtained;

but then I looked around in

complete surprise.

Everyone wasn’t happy.

Their starving wants looked thin,

and I suddenly became aware

of all my other wants within.

The neglected wants were so demanding

that my success felt like a loss!

I wondered, “How can I get what I want and also want

without so great a cost?”

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Just Meet It!

I wish that cars didn’t break down

that we didn’t always have to eat

that sleep was totally optional and

all frustrating, annoying, and expensive

obstacles would just disappear.

I would wish away my physicals

and skip the appointments, too

fillings would be the first to go

then ironing and moping floors

battling moldy tile grout

an aging, leaky house

bugs and dirt

calories and weight

Dirty diapers, runny noses

whiney, fighting kids.

I’d wish it all over.

Maybe I could finally win.

Something might stay done.

Everyone would be happy at the same time.

Object permanence.

But, NOT POSSIBLE!

I’d wish away the very things of life

there’d be no transportation

no child’s laugh or cry

no gooey, chocolate chip cookies

or a sparkling sink with running water.

The challenges are the price of life

I must stop expecting myself to beat

And instead accept their presence

and each one simply meet.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Foreclosure

The light is gone from your windows.

It’s clear that no one’s home.

Once bright and vibrantly full of life,

now a dark, exoskeleton-like stare.

I felt it. The vacancy

left a void inside my heart.

Now the house haunts me

with memories,

as I wait, in vain,

watching for your return.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Missing

No pen again!

No pen again?

I could swear I

bought out the store.

Have you seen

the scissors

or the tape?

I mean

I had them here before.

My keys seem to be missing,

I can’t hear my phone vibrate.

I know I filed it somewhere

I hope I’m not too late.

Was it dentist or teeth

or medical?

I’m sure it’s somewhere smart

that would make perfect sense

if I just knew where to start.

This frustrating, tear-producing talent

has just one bright spot:

This year I hid my own Easter eggs.

Will you find them?

I cannot!

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Brown

Photo courtesy of Marvin Perkins

Photo courtesy of
Marvin Perkins

We are not

a rainbow.

I am not black.

You are not red.

I have never been

white.

I want to shake the world

and say,

“Look at me!

Look at yourself!

Don’t you see?

all the beautiful shades

of brown.”

Just brown

light to dark

like sugar

sweet

with little significant variation;

just one

sweet color,

brown.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

(Marvin Perkins and his team have full permission to use and copy as desired.)

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The Losin’ it list : Major melt-down prevention

A time-lapse animation of icecubes melting in ...

A time-lapse animation of icecubes melting in a glass (50 minutes). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I, and two other friends I know and probably others, have been teetering on the edge of losing it.

I realized recently that when I get overloaded or overdo it, I have definite signals that I’m moving into the red zone.  I should really write those down.  I got started and amazed myself–two small pages long of all the things I do that are unlike myself and should be very strong clues to

A)  Get Help

B)  Get more rest

C)  Stop doing some things for a while

D) Take better care of my physical health

E)  All of the above

Sometimes the treadmill is going so fast that I feel I can’t ask for help.  That would be a disaster just like stopping the pace to get some water without stepping off the belt.  It wouldn’t help, it would  just lead to a crash.  But, not asking for help soon enough can end us up in the same spot anyway–crashed in a heap.

We all know that we should not do too much or too little.  But, how do we know when we are being too self-indugent and lazy or too self-sacrifizing and crazy???

I’m not sure about the first limit.  Today I’m just trying to prevent crazy.

For one of my friends it is yelling.  Yelling is on my Losin’ it list, too.  Believe it or not, I usually do NOT yell.  So, when I start to do it regularly, I might start to get a clue that I need to start looking in the mirror and caring better for myself.

I’m sure the losin’ it list would be person specific for everyone.

For instance, I hate to waste food.  I really love to use my left overs in some creative way to be sure it doesn’t end up going down the drain.  But this last week I had to throw away lettuce, bread, a ton of left overs, etc.  This is a major clue that my life speed is not matching up to my optimal pace.

We ate too much junk food, fast food, frozen food and snack food.

I spent too much money on all that easy, unhealthy food.

Hotels and Mental hospitals look strangely enticing

I want to sit around and watch TV (I normally do not enjoy watching TV by myself)

I miss my pilates class especially more than once (I love pilates and I never miss)

I waste time through confusion, lack of planning, distraction or fatigue

I am not writing anything (even on busy days I am usually list making or keeping up my 5 year journal)

I am not talking to anyone or visiting anyone (I love to look out for people)

or I am talking my head off too much about my situation or my problems (I’m sure it is tiring to hear)

The mess in my house is driving me absolutely nuts and I wish Monk lived at my house.  His level of order and organization looks REALLY REFRESHING

Sitting or laying down sounds way better to me than moving (when usually sitting still for too long is a punishment to me)

Listening and concentrating is difficult

I am angry or very sad or very frustrated or very WHATEVER

This is my list.  The challenge, then, is to recognize it and try to delegate or get help before I really have to find that hospital or join Monk in his ritual cleaning.

The other challenge is not to compare myself to others.  I know sometimes I can handle way more than other times.  It is hard to accept, but I guess if my goal is to keep the peace (especially inner peace) I need to be a friend to myself.

I really want to be helpful and useful to the world.  How can I do that very well in a major melt-down?  I guess I will have to recognize the danger signals and act sooner to prevent overload or explosion.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)