Grief and Loss

Priorities
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Priorities

Priorities

I'm free to be me
and like it or not
I'm boss of myself
whether I have a boss or not

And when my life's all
said and done
I hope my family will
know the one

they call "wife" and "mom"
loved them more than all the rest.
I hope they'll know
I gave them my very best.

At work or church there are others
that might do just as well
but nobody else 
my stories can tell

No one else sings
with my voice lullabies
or holds them close 
to look at them with my eyes

No one else can be me for them
Though they have a new wife,
a new mother, or new friends.  

DSH  12/06
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Ficstory

I am overcome

and my heart bleeds

with the violence of fiction and history.

Must this be art?

Intrigue and sorrow,

traitorous tales

of harm by the same hands

that should have protected.

Grief, that is harshly too real

as I look into their lives

of darkness and spoil–

hungers soothed in famishing ways–

true lives of dramatic loss

and loneliness

so hollow that many

fell into their own abyss–

taking others with them.

And I, alone,

am left to mourn.

Can we celebrate prose

at so great a cost?

DSH

5/2017

 

Stricken
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Stricken

I heard the dark clouds are threatening
You’ve been struck by lightning
a time or two
and Yet you are still standing–
although with a limp, it’s true.

We know the storms will end but
hurricanes cause devastating loss.
We futility worry and wonder,
What will it ultimately cost?

But we also know that with rain
come the rainbows
as the light shows the
beauty in the storm.

We will certainly see
promised treasures
when we perceive them
in any form.

–DarEll S. Hoskisson 3/4/15

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Griefwork resource: Notes from How to be an Adult by David Richo

A Mourning Resource: How grief is part of growing up

Personal Abridgements

I am really enjoying this book.

In the first section, he points out how every hero story starts out with a disaster of some kind– a loss, rejection, mistake, illness, disaster or even attack.

This first part points out how we all have things we needed in the past that we didn’t get–even though it is not necessarily anyone’s fault but of course it could be. These we carry around with us now–as a wound or an unexplainable longing, big feelings, beliefs or attitudes and these affect us now.

So, the first part, surprising to me, is learning how to mourn. It is grief work. Because I recently lost my Dad, I’m more familiar with grief and interested in grief than before. But, accepting what we don’t want is a loss–it is grief. Accepting anything in the past we did not like–is grief. If we can work through it instead…

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Do Not Memorialize Me

When I die,
especially if I die a tragic or violent death,
do not memorialize me.

Do not give permanence to the pain.
Do not give the enemy fame.
Do not spend a dime on me
past what I need.
Do not pass on the painful story
to infect a new generation with worry.
Just let the deed die with me,
and instead, don’t live dead.

If you really want to honor me,
dare to dream and move ahead.
Explore, create, and find a way
to really live up to your best self.

And then, if that is not enough,
I know just what I would ask:
Love someone a little more.
Include someone who feels left out.
Share yourself to relieve the suffering or poor.
To honor me,
just help one more.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson

Written 9/11/12

Posted today as my thoughts are directed toward the memorial service of the police officer recently gunned down by the bombing suspects.

I wrote this last year in response to the controversial cost of the proposed memorial site of 9/11.  I mean absolutely no disrespect to those who feel that monuments are worth the costs involved.  I also mean no disrespect to anyone violently killed or otherwise who has died.  Of course people need to heal however is best for them.

Also, I understand the purpose of educating people to prevent future disasters.  My children are exposed for an entire month each year to the horrors of  Germany’s concentration camps.  This, to me, is complete overkill.  You don’t have to know every gory detail to make a better choice.

This poem simply expresses how I feel.   If there is to be a monument to me, I hope it would be a living one.  A living legacy, would be, to me, the most useful monument of all and perhaps the most meaningful.

–dsh

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Fifteen

English: Female surfer in Maui

English: Female surfer in Maui (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve asked many doctors
if there is a cure
for my common malady,
a case of teenager.

They each assure me it’s normal
but rich they’d surely be
if they could prevent the storms
most teens seem destined to see.

They say that just a few short years
is all it should reasonably take.
If waiting is the answer, then,
I pray my patience won’t break.

I wish I could keep you sheltered here
and ignore the reality of harm,
but you must learn to swim and swim hard,
not just on seas safe and warm.

I must let you struggle
and fight your way to strong.
One day I’ll see you proudly surfing
and know I wasn’t wrong.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson
written July 5, 2012
posted today in honor of my daughter’s last day of fifteen

A teen she knew from her high school just got shot and killed over the weekend. It isn’t something to take for granted, making it to sixteen. Always grateful for one more day with my family.

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The Finish Line

Siverstone at the start-finish line

Siverstone at the start-finish line (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Racing, pacing forward

toward a line not seen

unaware that it was also racing

back with careless tragedy

fame of a sort

no one wanted or looked for

pursued instead for vigorous, long life

mocked

the unity of heart beats

pounding out with a chorus

of a thousand footsteps

stopped

The breathing of a nation

waits to understand

an answer that will not come.

This was planned.

The fear whispers

 life’s one definite truth:

don’t take life for granted,

the finish line comes to you.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Not Recommended

I started to float,

Megalodon tooth with a fossil Otodus obliquus ...

Megalodon tooth with a fossil Otodus obliquus tooth (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

then tingle,

then heavy as a rock,

I woke up and found

I couldn’t talk.

My mouth was filled with gauze.

My head was numb and dizzy.

I walked like a drunken man;

the pharmacist was too busy.

Finally pills the size

of my teeth they pulled

I had to take,

but trying to swallow

was a big mistake.

Liquid meals were all

I could look forward to,

numb and in pain,

All I did was drool.

Ice cream and ice,

yogurt and applesauce,

watching movies while skipping school

were the only plus.

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A Lady

 With a feline grace,

she walks along the fence

and royally refuses

to give up in any sense.

 

She’s creative

and won’t allow

problems or surprises

to cause a cow.

 

She is patient.

Her pace is fine.

She’s at peace

with her friend, Time.

 

An excellent example of

realistic expectations,

she encourages me to

flow with the changes

 

that inevitably are part

of life to be expected

and while never giving up

still need to be accepted.

 

She teaches me by example

how to royally hold my chin,

accept life as it comes,

but never to give in!

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)