Family

by

The Storycatcher

Welcome

If you like to dance or fly,
take a seat by my side.
If you like to dream or play,
Come. Open up your ears today.

I have caught a story
that’s itching to be free.
I have caught a story,
so now, it belongs to me!

Maybe it is magic
or maybe it’s really true.
How do you catch a story?
Well, that is up to you.

Do you have a pocket?
a hat? or sock or shoe?
If you’re in your pjs, then,
your ears will have to do!

© 2007 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

I call myself “the storycatcher” because I wanted a fun stage name for when I volunteer to read aloud to children.  I wrote this poem in the style of Shel Silverstein whose poems are among the best and most fun for children (in my opinion).  How he performs them is wonderful, too.

I thought it would be fun to post today in honor of poem in your pocket day.  DSH

 

Where can I find a good gym? Where can I find classes or sports for Kids?

English: YMCA logo (international and USA)

English: YMCA logo (international and USA) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

YMCA

Healthy people, families and communities.  YMCA is more than a health club.

PS:  I was a member of my local YMCA and loved that just by participating, I was helping others, too.  Now, I work there and love that, too!

Check it out!  You will be surprised at the variety of classes and opportunities available at the Y.

by

Consistent

English: Traditional Devil's Food Birthday Cake

English: Traditional Devil’s Food Birthday Cake (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If perfection is not the goal because for one thing it is unrealistic, then what is?  I’m not a quitter.  I am incredibly tenacious and persistent.  Eventually starting again and again on the goals I had for a while but they got crowded out by choice and by higher priority.  Still, I’ve wondered how to also make room for and “keep in line” lesser priorities I still want in my life.  Quitting and restarting is not giving up, but, that still doesn’t get me the results I want because for so many pursuits consistency really works best.

For example, my garden keeps wilting or dying (but I keep replanting it!)  I have started to learn to play the piano at least 5 or more times (I’m really, really good at the primer level), etc.  Yes, certainly, for some pursuits consistency is just plain more effective than spurts.

Today I was studying for my personal trainer exam and the instructor said, “remember the 80/20 rule.  Consistency is not perfection”  In this case she was referring to our choices for nutritious eating.  I have applied this already to gauging my eating choices.  In other words, if you eat nutritious foods 80 percent of the time or more, that IS CONSISTENT enough.

Obviously this is in general and may not apply to us specifically.  I figured that that meant that eating a special dessert, celebrating a birthday party with traditional cake and ice cream, etc. are great, but probably not much more than two times per month.  Sometimes that can be really difficult because at work someone is always having a birthday, then at church, more birthdays.  The more people you know the more Christmas parties and celebration temptations.  But, empty calories are not out of the question.  They are just not what you USUALLY eat.  80% of the time is measurable.

But today, it struck me quite differently.  There are times when striving for excellence is detrimental.  For instance, if I guarded everything I said or wrote and only published on the web what I thought was truly exceptional and up to my standard, I wouldn’t share much.  In fact, I might not be able to write at all.  All action requires some risk.  Trying to edit as you write is a quick recipe for writer’s block.  That must be true for all action.

Of course I know it is okay to make mistakes.  Goodness, I even bought a book about all the advantages to a good mistake.  They are the learning experiences we never forget (hopefully) but if not, don’t worry, we’ll get to try to learn it again, later.

But, what if I gauged my other pursuits that way?  For instance, if I get up on time most of the time (80% or more).  Then, that IS consistent.  I could say I usually get up on time.  However, if it is causing a major life stress to me, my family, or my job, then maybe it isn’t consistent enough.  But, let’s say it doesn’t stress anyone.  Then, that can be good enough.

This is a reasonable marker because it gives 20% left for exceptional and excellent.  Really the difference between good enough and exceptional is just in the finer details or the greater consistency.  Excellence is not accepting good enough and pressing harder for exceptional.

But, we can’t grow all directions at once and sustain it.  Believe me, I’ve tried.  A focused improvement in one or a few areas is much more doable and sustainable.  So, where is the line?

I guess it is where it is consistent ENOUGH to get the results you need.  Excellence is getting or surpassing the results you want.

It really helps to have a more realistic and measurable definition of consistent.

There are really only a few areas I need to be more consistent in.  And, I see now more clearly, it may not be as far of a journey to consistent as I thought.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

by

Telegram Home: 25 words or less 2013

What would you write home from the war if you had only 25 words or less?
I heard someone else had this challenge and thought,
‘What would I write?” I’d like to try.

Maybe I’ll also do it in future years to compare how my message would change or stay the same.

Love you forever!
Stick together
You’re stronger than you think
Know God
Don’t disappoint Him
or yourself
You can change
help others
look forward
Pray

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

by

A Lady

 With a feline grace,

she walks along the fence

and royally refuses

to give up in any sense.

 

She’s creative

and won’t allow

problems or surprises

to cause a cow.

 

She is patient.

Her pace is fine.

She’s at peace

with her friend, Time.

 

An excellent example of

realistic expectations,

she encourages me to

flow with the changes

 

that inevitably are part

of life to be expected

and while never giving up

still need to be accepted.

 

She teaches me by example

how to royally hold my chin,

accept life as it comes,

but never to give in!

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

by

Recipe for healthy wants and also wants: an answer to hyperfocus

First get them in a single file line, a list works well,

then eliminate or delegate all I can not do

then set up a schedule

and let each one cycle through.

Now no want will go hungry

if it’s worth it’s place in line.

Remembering what I also want

satisfies me every time.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Scheduling is nothing new.  But, scheduling what I WANT was for me a big discovery.  I used to only schedule what I HAD to do and usually did NOT want to do.  Scheduling only what I have to do but don’t want to gave it a bad kind of aftertaste.

A schedule?  Something to be avoided!

I now schedule time for what I need and want and time for what my family needs and wants from me.  This seems to calm the demanding, screaming  of neglected needs I used to feel after every time I was busy for an extended period of time.

Stong focus is a strength and a weakness for me.  I can stay focused for a very long time, driven to the end.  But, I don’t feel hunger, thirst, bathroom needs, I don’t hear people talking around me and anyone needing something is really a bother that I push away.  If I had to get interupted, beware the wrath of train wreck!!  I was like a train going down hill.  Get on board or get out of the way!  But when I’m finished, all these needs come crying out to my awareness.

I had to give up my hyperfocus to be an attentive mom.  Now that my kids are older, I’m trying to reintegrate that power of attention.  I love working in the flow where time does not exist.  But, I’m trying to do it in a way that does not punish my body and family so much.

So far WHEN I keep to my schedule it is working very well.  I have to STOP which is often painful for me.  But, it is getting easier as I remember what I ALSO WANT and try to keep it from getting eaten alive by whatever I happen to be doing right now.

In fact, I want to write this, but I ALSO WANT my family to have dinner tonight.  So, as hard as it is to stop typing on this very interesting subject (I mean who doesn’t want EVERYTHING they want?)  It is easier to stop because I remember, I want and need to feed my family.

Love to all!  DarEll

by

Just Meet It!

I wish that cars didn’t break down

that we didn’t always have to eat

that sleep was totally optional and

all frustrating, annoying, and expensive

obstacles would just disappear.

I would wish away my physicals

and skip the appointments, too

fillings would be the first to go

then ironing and moping floors

battling moldy tile grout

an aging, leaky house

bugs and dirt

calories and weight

Dirty diapers, runny noses

whiney, fighting kids.

I’d wish it all over.

Maybe I could finally win.

Something might stay done.

Everyone would be happy at the same time.

Object permanence.

But, NOT POSSIBLE!

I’d wish away the very things of life

there’d be no transportation

no child’s laugh or cry

no gooey, chocolate chip cookies

or a sparkling sink with running water.

The challenges are the price of life

I must stop expecting myself to beat

And instead accept their presence

and each one simply meet.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

by

Trying to work with a boulder

Boulder-juggling

Image via Wikipedia

You must have cooperation to move, but you just don’t have it.  That is one example of being stuck between a rock and a hard spot.  When you have a tantrum throwing toddler, you may not enjoy it, but you can pick up the reluctant ball and basically drag him or her behind.  But it doesn’t take long before the child is too big and that is nearly impossible.

There are many ways we try to cajole people into rolling in our direction.   Sometimes we fight and argue as if talking louder, like kicking your toe on the rock, would actually get it to budge.  Sometimes it works slightly, but just as likely it doesn’t or it rolls back and crushes your toe afterward.  Ouch!

Sometimes like Dr. Seuss’s Zax story we are fortunate enough to find a way around the boulder.  Or unfortunately we square up to it and refuse to move until the other does.  This is a recipe for NOT moving forward.  If you want to die on that hill, be my guest.  But, I want a better solution.

Teenagers, spouses, coworkers, students, teachers, team members, in fact ANY TWO PEOPLE are usually not going to all be going the same direction or need the same things all of the time.  It is no wonder we have a few car wrecks along the way.  My point is, we want to avoid the head on collisions, right?

So, what do we DO with someone else’s lack of cooperation or bad attitude?

My best solution comes from Captain Jack Sparrow on Disney’s Pirates of the Carribean.  You have to clearly keep in mind what you can do, and what you can’t do.  Captain Jack could kill the guy off, but he couldn’t pilot the ship all on his own.  Sounds like pretty good advice to me.

Sometimes we get so frusterated at someone’s lack of cooperation, that we nearly literally slay the person realizing too late that by verbally slaughtering them we are now left totally alone to try to pilot an impossible ship.  We must work together to be successful, regularly.

Keeping in mind, then, what I have most control over (myself and my environment) and remembering what is entirely outside of my control (another), I have to then decide what I will do about it.

I wish my children would understand this.  They endlessly tell me about how someone is not doing what they want them to and instead of accepting that reality and building a bridge over the zax to find another way to accomplish their desires, they will sit and argue with a zax.  Then, when I refuse to go talk to a zax (I have noticed that Zax attitudes are rarely overcome by two people talking to them instead of one), they start to be unhappy with me because I will not act the way they want me to, either.  It is a funny thing about people.  Mostly they do what they WANT to and not what YOU WANT them to.

Some people are so entrenched from all the battles, that they have totally lost sight of what they want for themselves, but they are still sure it isn’t what YOU WANT them to do, so they dig themselves in a little deeper by resisting everyone else trying to change them and not accepting, loving, or appreciating them the way they are.

A classic resisting or rebellious teen attitude can occasionally be displayed by the best of us.  Sometimes we dig in because we are afraid of something.    Sometimes we feel alone or friendless or hurt.  There are many reasons, some of them very good why we do not cooperate.  It violates our personal morals, goes against something we believe, or is contrary to our purposes.

It’s like going on a bear hunt.  You just keep trying things until something works.  If you can’t go under it, and you can’t go over it, then, oh, no, you have to go through it.  You can’t go through a person.  So, if you do need that particular person, just keep strongly in mind what you can do.

I recommend speaking as little as possible to a Zax.  He or she will be able to hear better after they cool off a bit.

Your own great attitude can sometimes rub off if it doesn’t overwhelm and irritate the crabby one.  You can go off and do the best you can at enjoying it with the ones who do want to help instead of stalling over the one non-budger.

The environment is probably your very best friend.  Sometimes a changing location or procedure can avoid a lot of problems.  See what you can change in your own expectations, schedule, location, and focus to help you smoothly flow around instead of fight the boulder.  You may notice that after a while, if you aren’t pressuring it so, it may get up and move all on its own.

And, of course, there may be a time when you absolutely must just sit down and wait.  Admitting that truth and not letting it bother you may eventually lead you to thank the other person who saw it another way.  You just never know.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)