Self-care

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“Life is the real sport” –Annia Reyes

It is not getting everything done first,

Trophy

Trophy (Photo credit: cole24_)

or winning a big race.

It is not comparing yourself

or beating another’s pace.

It is not killing yourself

to keep a spotless house,

overscheduled and overwhelmed,

putting pressure on your spouse.

Working too hard is just as bad

as lazy, lethargic waste.

Keeping the big picture firmly in my mind,

the truth must be faced

That life IS now,

the journey.

and so if I constantly

overshedule and hurry,

I will lose in life along the way.

Others will not feel I care

or take the time to talk.

I may not even be there

for the ones that need me most

for intimate, quiet times

for simple, homemade meals together

for lullabies and nursery rhymes.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

The quote above I attribute to my most awesome first pilates teacher, Annia Reyes.  It is quite possible that others have said it before her and if you know of another the quote originally came from, you can please let me know.

I quote it here because to me it is such a perfect reminder of what we are trying to WIN at, and that often it is not what I think will make me happy that does.

Today I find myself overscheduled.  Yet, I still try to fit everything in, including writing my poem today.  In the big picture, I should have let it go, it is overstressing my life.  But, I find, even knowing better I can not resist the temptation to try to get 100% of my goal to write a poem each day this month.

And so, I have determined in the future to write my goals more specifically and with a range of success that leaves room for honestly living my priorities and not over-stressing my self or my family.  See my post Consistent for more thoughts on how it might be done.  –dsh

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The Martyr

Self-less, honored sacrifice

for a greater cause.

Or when a choice must be made,

risking all to save another.

Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of F...

Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of Falling (Photo credit: epSos.de)

But not a rule of kindness

to be followed hard and fast.

Constantly a martyr

is suicide at last.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

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The Losin’ it list : Major melt-down prevention

A time-lapse animation of icecubes melting in ...

A time-lapse animation of icecubes melting in a glass (50 minutes). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I, and two other friends I know and probably others, have been teetering on the edge of losing it.

I realized recently that when I get overloaded or overdo it, I have definite signals that I’m moving into the red zone.  I should really write those down.  I got started and amazed myself–two small pages long of all the things I do that are unlike myself and should be very strong clues to

A)  Get Help

B)  Get more rest

C)  Stop doing some things for a while

D) Take better care of my physical health

E)  All of the above

Sometimes the treadmill is going so fast that I feel I can’t ask for help.  That would be a disaster just like stopping the pace to get some water without stepping off the belt.  It wouldn’t help, it would  just lead to a crash.  But, not asking for help soon enough can end us up in the same spot anyway–crashed in a heap.

We all know that we should not do too much or too little.  But, how do we know when we are being too self-indugent and lazy or too self-sacrifizing and crazy???

I’m not sure about the first limit.  Today I’m just trying to prevent crazy.

For one of my friends it is yelling.  Yelling is on my Losin’ it list, too.  Believe it or not, I usually do NOT yell.  So, when I start to do it regularly, I might start to get a clue that I need to start looking in the mirror and caring better for myself.

I’m sure the losin’ it list would be person specific for everyone.

For instance, I hate to waste food.  I really love to use my left overs in some creative way to be sure it doesn’t end up going down the drain.  But this last week I had to throw away lettuce, bread, a ton of left overs, etc.  This is a major clue that my life speed is not matching up to my optimal pace.

We ate too much junk food, fast food, frozen food and snack food.

I spent too much money on all that easy, unhealthy food.

Hotels and Mental hospitals look strangely enticing

I want to sit around and watch TV (I normally do not enjoy watching TV by myself)

I miss my pilates class especially more than once (I love pilates and I never miss)

I waste time through confusion, lack of planning, distraction or fatigue

I am not writing anything (even on busy days I am usually list making or keeping up my 5 year journal)

I am not talking to anyone or visiting anyone (I love to look out for people)

or I am talking my head off too much about my situation or my problems (I’m sure it is tiring to hear)

The mess in my house is driving me absolutely nuts and I wish Monk lived at my house.  His level of order and organization looks REALLY REFRESHING

Sitting or laying down sounds way better to me than moving (when usually sitting still for too long is a punishment to me)

Listening and concentrating is difficult

I am angry or very sad or very frustrated or very WHATEVER

This is my list.  The challenge, then, is to recognize it and try to delegate or get help before I really have to find that hospital or join Monk in his ritual cleaning.

The other challenge is not to compare myself to others.  I know sometimes I can handle way more than other times.  It is hard to accept, but I guess if my goal is to keep the peace (especially inner peace) I need to be a friend to myself.

I really want to be helpful and useful to the world.  How can I do that very well in a major melt-down?  I guess I will have to recognize the danger signals and act sooner to prevent overload or explosion.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Identity Crisis?

English: Ordinary hexagonal dendrite snowflake...

Image via Wikipedia

I was just talking to a friend of mine today.

She went through a divorce, had to start over with nothing, and found herself trying to get to know herself all over again.

Finding myself has been a personal passion partly because meeting the needs around me makes me sort of cameleon-like.  What is really me?  What is just responding to circumstances?  I like to bring a smile to others if I can.  In fact, that is why I’m writing this.  In case I can brighten your day or give you hope if you are in the same situation.

I found myself particularly lost when my youngest went to kindergarten.  The years of being Mom left just DarEll for several hours per day and I wasn’t sure who that was anymore.  I was afraid I hadn’t seen her for a long, long time.

Two books especially helped me on my way:  One was Becoming Real by Gail Saltz and the other was The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

They each give ideas and instructions on how to find your own voice and be more true to yourself.

Most of all, it takes a little faith that we can know what is best for ourselves, that we can trust ourselves, and that we are not responsible for everyone else’s happiness.

I was afraid that I’d hurt people by letting myself be me.  I was very restrictive to myself and what I wanted to do.  Some of it had been necessary when my children were small, really were dependent on me and funds were tight.  But, it wasn’t true now.

I had to give myself permission to buy something just for me.  Do something just because I enjoyed it.  It was a suprisingly difficult adjustment.  But, I’m proud to say that I am very much better at caring for myself and I hope you will find the strength to give yourself permission to be you, too.

It is okay to make mistakes while we find our way.  If you feel that everything in your life that ever happens is all your fault, or everyone thinks it is, you may have codependency going on.  Sometimes I liked to believe I had that much power because then I could also have the power to change and fix things.  But, I never will have the power to make other people happy.  That is their choice.  I have to let that dream go.

You are worth finding.  There is only one person like you in the whole world.  We need each snow-flake.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)