Routine

Treadmill, frightful, boredom

English: Gentaur schedule

English: Gentaur schedule (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

demanding, intimidating, impossible

slow, tedious, mind-numbing

impersonal, task-oriented, bossy

inflexible limits

Predictable accomplishment,

successful trade offs and juggling,

realistic planning and pacing

In control, efficient

free

 

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Consistent

English: Traditional Devil's Food Birthday Cake

English: Traditional Devil’s Food Birthday Cake (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If perfection is not the goal because for one thing it is unrealistic, then what is?  I’m not a quitter.  I am incredibly tenacious and persistent.  Eventually starting again and again on the goals I had for a while but they got crowded out by choice and by higher priority.  Still, I’ve wondered how to also make room for and “keep in line” lesser priorities I still want in my life.  Quitting and restarting is not giving up, but, that still doesn’t get me the results I want because for so many pursuits consistency really works best.

For example, my garden keeps wilting or dying (but I keep replanting it!)  I have started to learn to play the piano at least 5 or more times (I’m really, really good at the primer level), etc.  Yes, certainly, for some pursuits consistency is just plain more effective than spurts.

Today I was studying for my personal trainer exam and the instructor said, “remember the 80/20 rule.  Consistency is not perfection”  In this case she was referring to our choices for nutritious eating.  I have applied this already to gauging my eating choices.  In other words, if you eat nutritious foods 80 percent of the time or more, that IS CONSISTENT enough.

Obviously this is in general and may not apply to us specifically.  I figured that that meant that eating a special dessert, celebrating a birthday party with traditional cake and ice cream, etc. are great, but probably not much more than two times per month.  Sometimes that can be really difficult because at work someone is always having a birthday, then at church, more birthdays.  The more people you know the more Christmas parties and celebration temptations.  But, empty calories are not out of the question.  They are just not what you USUALLY eat.  80% of the time is measurable.

But today, it struck me quite differently.  There are times when striving for excellence is detrimental.  For instance, if I guarded everything I said or wrote and only published on the web what I thought was truly exceptional and up to my standard, I wouldn’t share much.  In fact, I might not be able to write at all.  All action requires some risk.  Trying to edit as you write is a quick recipe for writer’s block.  That must be true for all action.

Of course I know it is okay to make mistakes.  Goodness, I even bought a book about all the advantages to a good mistake.  They are the learning experiences we never forget (hopefully) but if not, don’t worry, we’ll get to try to learn it again, later.

But, what if I gauged my other pursuits that way?  For instance, if I get up on time most of the time (80% or more).  Then, that IS consistent.  I could say I usually get up on time.  However, if it is causing a major life stress to me, my family, or my job, then maybe it isn’t consistent enough.  But, let’s say it doesn’t stress anyone.  Then, that can be good enough.

This is a reasonable marker because it gives 20% left for exceptional and excellent.  Really the difference between good enough and exceptional is just in the finer details or the greater consistency.  Excellence is not accepting good enough and pressing harder for exceptional.

But, we can’t grow all directions at once and sustain it.  Believe me, I’ve tried.  A focused improvement in one or a few areas is much more doable and sustainable.  So, where is the line?

I guess it is where it is consistent ENOUGH to get the results you need.  Excellence is getting or surpassing the results you want.

It really helps to have a more realistic and measurable definition of consistent.

There are really only a few areas I need to be more consistent in.  And, I see now more clearly, it may not be as far of a journey to consistent as I thought.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Cotton Candy

Cotton Candy Making

Cotton Candy Making (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I watched my daughter

standing in line for cotton candy

at a school fundraising fair.

She was so kind,

she gave her place in line

to all the little children who came up behind her.

It quickly became clear

that she would NEVER get some, too;

and it would not have hurt a soul

if she’d just kept her place in line.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Recipe for healthy wants and also wants: an answer to hyperfocus

First get them in a single file line, a list works well,

then eliminate or delegate all I can not do

then set up a schedule

and let each one cycle through.

Now no want will go hungry

if it’s worth it’s place in line.

Remembering what I also want

satisfies me every time.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Scheduling is nothing new.  But, scheduling what I WANT was for me a big discovery.  I used to only schedule what I HAD to do and usually did NOT want to do.  Scheduling only what I have to do but don’t want to gave it a bad kind of aftertaste.

A schedule?  Something to be avoided!

I now schedule time for what I need and want and time for what my family needs and wants from me.  This seems to calm the demanding, screaming  of neglected needs I used to feel after every time I was busy for an extended period of time.

Stong focus is a strength and a weakness for me.  I can stay focused for a very long time, driven to the end.  But, I don’t feel hunger, thirst, bathroom needs, I don’t hear people talking around me and anyone needing something is really a bother that I push away.  If I had to get interupted, beware the wrath of train wreck!!  I was like a train going down hill.  Get on board or get out of the way!  But when I’m finished, all these needs come crying out to my awareness.

I had to give up my hyperfocus to be an attentive mom.  Now that my kids are older, I’m trying to reintegrate that power of attention.  I love working in the flow where time does not exist.  But, I’m trying to do it in a way that does not punish my body and family so much.

So far WHEN I keep to my schedule it is working very well.  I have to STOP which is often painful for me.  But, it is getting easier as I remember what I ALSO WANT and try to keep it from getting eaten alive by whatever I happen to be doing right now.

In fact, I want to write this, but I ALSO WANT my family to have dinner tonight.  So, as hard as it is to stop typing on this very interesting subject (I mean who doesn’t want EVERYTHING they want?)  It is easier to stop because I remember, I want and need to feed my family.

Love to all!  DarEll

Just Meet It!

I wish that cars didn’t break down

that we didn’t always have to eat

that sleep was totally optional and

all frustrating, annoying, and expensive

obstacles would just disappear.

I would wish away my physicals

and skip the appointments, too

fillings would be the first to go

then ironing and moping floors

battling moldy tile grout

an aging, leaky house

bugs and dirt

calories and weight

Dirty diapers, runny noses

whiney, fighting kids.

I’d wish it all over.

Maybe I could finally win.

Something might stay done.

Everyone would be happy at the same time.

Object permanence.

But, NOT POSSIBLE!

I’d wish away the very things of life

there’d be no transportation

no child’s laugh or cry

no gooey, chocolate chip cookies

or a sparkling sink with running water.

The challenges are the price of life

I must stop expecting myself to beat

And instead accept their presence

and each one simply meet.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

To List or not to List, That is the Question

I am a big picture thinking, detail disliking, list maker.

I make a list for everything so I don’t have to remember anything

So my brain can be free to wonder and seek

out answers to my questions.

I’ve listed for so long,

I never realized that my list was part of my problem.

I hated writing down

get dressed

over and over

or make dinner.

But write it, I did, because I really might forget .

I’m something like the absent-minded professor that way.

This was, however, counterproductive.

Because once my list gets over 5 things long,

My list starts to stress and bother me–

a self-created monster,

task-master, and

guilt tripper.

Hum.

My most recent success has been to make new rules of what will and will not be allowed on my list:

1–A permanent list of routine items are posted in two places.  These are the core must dos–most of them so mundane no one should have to write them and in fact, I sometimes wonder, why we must do them.  But, I tried not doing them and Yes, we really must do them.  So, there they are.

2–A rocks of the day list.  This is a list of 1 to 3 items per day that are the most important tasks that I WANT to do that will have the most impact if I do them.  OOH, not so hard to list.  These I schedule with a time attached into my day.  Now we are going someplace.  I found out through experience that most of my day is already spoken for.  One to three rocks is all I can reasonably hope to fit in.  And, they are so few, I might actually remember them.

3–What NOT to list:  I do not list my routine must dos.

I also realized I do not need to list anything visually reminding.  Like the mold in the shower will remind me to take care of that, or the bathroom light not working . . . you get the idea.  I am reasonably certain that even I will not forget or be allowed to forget these things.

I also do not need to list anything that is scheduled in with an appointment time.  This may be a rock of the day, but it doesn’t need to go on my list.

I don’t need to list all the awesome things I’d like to do or could do or might do.  All these glorious ideas can be kept on a could do list somewhere else for when I have room in my rock basket for the day to throw one in.  But, left on my regular list they just cry for attention or they whine because I never got to them.   I have decided I definitely don’t need to keep making my imagination list so big that it beats me up regularly in reality.

4–If it has a deadline, I schedule it in reverse and add about twice as much time (in case of emergency).  Real life continually teaches me to aim for early (partly because everything in real life takes 2-4 times as long as I imagine it will).  This will get it off my calendar and into my day in time to do it easily–I hope.

5–So the only list I have left that I make and look at everyday is on a tiny notebook.  I only write on it the things that can be done anytime, are hard to prioritize, need to be done, don’t take long to do (if it takes long I need to calendar it out like a project see #4) and I will forget–no visual or intrinsic reminder.  But, they can be done WHENEVER.  I call this little notebook my whenever book and whenever I have a small block of time, I can easily fill it and check one of these babies off.  Then, whenever I get one page done, I get a glorious reward.  I get to throw the page away!  And, I never have to see a very long list.  So I don’t get bogged down.

And, I ultimately get exactly the result I wanted.  I get to not worry.

There is always enough time for the most important things.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)