“Life is the real sport” –Annia Reyes

It is not getting everything done first,

Trophy

Trophy (Photo credit: cole24_)

or winning a big race.

It is not comparing yourself

or beating another’s pace.

It is not killing yourself

to keep a spotless house,

overscheduled and overwhelmed,

putting pressure on your spouse.

Working too hard is just as bad

as lazy, lethargic waste.

Keeping the big picture firmly in my mind,

the truth must be faced

That life IS now,

the journey.

and so if I constantly

overshedule and hurry,

I will lose in life along the way.

Others will not feel I care

or take the time to talk.

I may not even be there

for the ones that need me most

for intimate, quiet times

for simple, homemade meals together

for lullabies and nursery rhymes.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

The quote above I attribute to my most awesome first pilates teacher, Annia Reyes.  It is quite possible that others have said it before her and if you know of another the quote originally came from, you can please let me know.

I quote it here because to me it is such a perfect reminder of what we are trying to WIN at, and that often it is not what I think will make me happy that does.

Today I find myself overscheduled.  Yet, I still try to fit everything in, including writing my poem today.  In the big picture, I should have let it go, it is overstressing my life.  But, I find, even knowing better I can not resist the temptation to try to get 100% of my goal to write a poem each day this month.

And so, I have determined in the future to write my goals more specifically and with a range of success that leaves room for honestly living my priorities and not over-stressing my self or my family.  See my post Consistent for more thoughts on how it might be done.  –dsh

The Martyr

Self-less, honored sacrifice

for a greater cause.

Or when a choice must be made,

risking all to save another.

Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of F...

Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of Falling (Photo credit: epSos.de)

But not a rule of kindness

to be followed hard and fast.

Constantly a martyr

is suicide at last.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

Necessities

I set out to discover

The Earth seen from Apollo 17.

The Earth seen from Apollo 17. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

what every person needs,

to focus on the core of life

and cull out the weeds.

We all need safety and love,

water, food, and clothing,

But, we also fundamentally need

to contribute something.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

It is because giving is so rewarding to me that I want to share these
opportunities with others.  I hope this website will become a useful place where if people need help or want to give help, there will eventually be a good resource here for that.  I would like for this blog to be useful.  And, if it helps even one person deal with life better in any way, it will be worth the trouble.  If nothing else, it fulfills my need to contribute something.  Love, DarEll

Why Record?

Siverstone at the start-finish line

Siverstone at the start-finish line (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I can not know
how far I’ve come
unless I know
where I’ve been

I can not

best myself

if I can not

find the line

Finally a
finish marker
that lets me know
I’m winning

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Routine

Treadmill, frightful, boredom

English: Gentaur schedule

English: Gentaur schedule (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

demanding, intimidating, impossible

slow, tedious, mind-numbing

impersonal, task-oriented, bossy

inflexible limits

Predictable accomplishment,

successful trade offs and juggling,

realistic planning and pacing

In control, efficient

free

 

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Consistent

English: Traditional Devil's Food Birthday Cake

English: Traditional Devil’s Food Birthday Cake (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If perfection is not the goal because for one thing it is unrealistic, then what is?  I’m not a quitter.  I am incredibly tenacious and persistent.  Eventually starting again and again on the goals I had for a while but they got crowded out by choice and by higher priority.  Still, I’ve wondered how to also make room for and “keep in line” lesser priorities I still want in my life.  Quitting and restarting is not giving up, but, that still doesn’t get me the results I want because for so many pursuits consistency really works best.

For example, my garden keeps wilting or dying (but I keep replanting it!)  I have started to learn to play the piano at least 5 or more times (I’m really, really good at the primer level), etc.  Yes, certainly, for some pursuits consistency is just plain more effective than spurts.

Today I was studying for my personal trainer exam and the instructor said, “remember the 80/20 rule.  Consistency is not perfection”  In this case she was referring to our choices for nutritious eating.  I have applied this already to gauging my eating choices.  In other words, if you eat nutritious foods 80 percent of the time or more, that IS CONSISTENT enough.

Obviously this is in general and may not apply to us specifically.  I figured that that meant that eating a special dessert, celebrating a birthday party with traditional cake and ice cream, etc. are great, but probably not much more than two times per month.  Sometimes that can be really difficult because at work someone is always having a birthday, then at church, more birthdays.  The more people you know the more Christmas parties and celebration temptations.  But, empty calories are not out of the question.  They are just not what you USUALLY eat.  80% of the time is measurable.

But today, it struck me quite differently.  There are times when striving for excellence is detrimental.  For instance, if I guarded everything I said or wrote and only published on the web what I thought was truly exceptional and up to my standard, I wouldn’t share much.  In fact, I might not be able to write at all.  All action requires some risk.  Trying to edit as you write is a quick recipe for writer’s block.  That must be true for all action.

Of course I know it is okay to make mistakes.  Goodness, I even bought a book about all the advantages to a good mistake.  They are the learning experiences we never forget (hopefully) but if not, don’t worry, we’ll get to try to learn it again, later.

But, what if I gauged my other pursuits that way?  For instance, if I get up on time most of the time (80% or more).  Then, that IS consistent.  I could say I usually get up on time.  However, if it is causing a major life stress to me, my family, or my job, then maybe it isn’t consistent enough.  But, let’s say it doesn’t stress anyone.  Then, that can be good enough.

This is a reasonable marker because it gives 20% left for exceptional and excellent.  Really the difference between good enough and exceptional is just in the finer details or the greater consistency.  Excellence is not accepting good enough and pressing harder for exceptional.

But, we can’t grow all directions at once and sustain it.  Believe me, I’ve tried.  A focused improvement in one or a few areas is much more doable and sustainable.  So, where is the line?

I guess it is where it is consistent ENOUGH to get the results you need.  Excellence is getting or surpassing the results you want.

It really helps to have a more realistic and measurable definition of consistent.

There are really only a few areas I need to be more consistent in.  And, I see now more clearly, it may not be as far of a journey to consistent as I thought.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Cotton Candy

Cotton Candy Making

Cotton Candy Making (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I watched my daughter

standing in line for cotton candy

at a school fundraising fair.

She was so kind,

she gave her place in line

to all the little children who came up behind her.

It quickly became clear

that she would NEVER get some, too;

and it would not have hurt a soul

if she’d just kept her place in line.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Recipe for healthy wants and also wants: an answer to hyperfocus

First get them in a single file line, a list works well,

then eliminate or delegate all I can not do

then set up a schedule

and let each one cycle through.

Now no want will go hungry

if it’s worth it’s place in line.

Remembering what I also want

satisfies me every time.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Scheduling is nothing new.  But, scheduling what I WANT was for me a big discovery.  I used to only schedule what I HAD to do and usually did NOT want to do.  Scheduling only what I have to do but don’t want to gave it a bad kind of aftertaste.

A schedule?  Something to be avoided!

I now schedule time for what I need and want and time for what my family needs and wants from me.  This seems to calm the demanding, screaming  of neglected needs I used to feel after every time I was busy for an extended period of time.

Stong focus is a strength and a weakness for me.  I can stay focused for a very long time, driven to the end.  But, I don’t feel hunger, thirst, bathroom needs, I don’t hear people talking around me and anyone needing something is really a bother that I push away.  If I had to get interupted, beware the wrath of train wreck!!  I was like a train going down hill.  Get on board or get out of the way!  But when I’m finished, all these needs come crying out to my awareness.

I had to give up my hyperfocus to be an attentive mom.  Now that my kids are older, I’m trying to reintegrate that power of attention.  I love working in the flow where time does not exist.  But, I’m trying to do it in a way that does not punish my body and family so much.

So far WHEN I keep to my schedule it is working very well.  I have to STOP which is often painful for me.  But, it is getting easier as I remember what I ALSO WANT and try to keep it from getting eaten alive by whatever I happen to be doing right now.

In fact, I want to write this, but I ALSO WANT my family to have dinner tonight.  So, as hard as it is to stop typing on this very interesting subject (I mean who doesn’t want EVERYTHING they want?)  It is easier to stop because I remember, I want and need to feed my family.

Love to all!  DarEll

Hyperfocus

I had only one block of cheese

so I fed my favorite want.

It came nearer everyday

until it was eventually satisfied.

I was so happy

and proud of myself!

I had finally earned my prize!

What I wanted was achieved,

in my grasp, obtained;

but then I looked around in

complete surprise.

Everyone wasn’t happy.

Their starving wants looked thin,

and I suddenly became aware

of all my other wants within.

The neglected wants were so demanding

that my success felt like a loss!

I wondered, “How can I get what I want and also want

without so great a cost?”

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)