Waste less

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Just Meet It!

I wish that cars didn’t break down

that we didn’t always have to eat

that sleep was totally optional and

all frustrating, annoying, and expensive

obstacles would just disappear.

I would wish away my physicals

and skip the appointments, too

fillings would be the first to go

then ironing and moping floors

battling moldy tile grout

an aging, leaky house

bugs and dirt

calories and weight

Dirty diapers, runny noses

whiney, fighting kids.

I’d wish it all over.

Maybe I could finally win.

Something might stay done.

Everyone would be happy at the same time.

Object permanence.

But, NOT POSSIBLE!

I’d wish away the very things of life

there’d be no transportation

no child’s laugh or cry

no gooey, chocolate chip cookies

or a sparkling sink with running water.

The challenges are the price of life

I must stop expecting myself to beat

And instead accept their presence

and each one simply meet.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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The Losin’ it list : Major melt-down prevention

A time-lapse animation of icecubes melting in ...

A time-lapse animation of icecubes melting in a glass (50 minutes). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I, and two other friends I know and probably others, have been teetering on the edge of losing it.

I realized recently that when I get overloaded or overdo it, I have definite signals that I’m moving into the red zone.  I should really write those down.  I got started and amazed myself–two small pages long of all the things I do that are unlike myself and should be very strong clues to

A)  Get Help

B)  Get more rest

C)  Stop doing some things for a while

D) Take better care of my physical health

E)  All of the above

Sometimes the treadmill is going so fast that I feel I can’t ask for help.  That would be a disaster just like stopping the pace to get some water without stepping off the belt.  It wouldn’t help, it would  just lead to a crash.  But, not asking for help soon enough can end us up in the same spot anyway–crashed in a heap.

We all know that we should not do too much or too little.  But, how do we know when we are being too self-indugent and lazy or too self-sacrifizing and crazy???

I’m not sure about the first limit.  Today I’m just trying to prevent crazy.

For one of my friends it is yelling.  Yelling is on my Losin’ it list, too.  Believe it or not, I usually do NOT yell.  So, when I start to do it regularly, I might start to get a clue that I need to start looking in the mirror and caring better for myself.

I’m sure the losin’ it list would be person specific for everyone.

For instance, I hate to waste food.  I really love to use my left overs in some creative way to be sure it doesn’t end up going down the drain.  But this last week I had to throw away lettuce, bread, a ton of left overs, etc.  This is a major clue that my life speed is not matching up to my optimal pace.

We ate too much junk food, fast food, frozen food and snack food.

I spent too much money on all that easy, unhealthy food.

Hotels and Mental hospitals look strangely enticing

I want to sit around and watch TV (I normally do not enjoy watching TV by myself)

I miss my pilates class especially more than once (I love pilates and I never miss)

I waste time through confusion, lack of planning, distraction or fatigue

I am not writing anything (even on busy days I am usually list making or keeping up my 5 year journal)

I am not talking to anyone or visiting anyone (I love to look out for people)

or I am talking my head off too much about my situation or my problems (I’m sure it is tiring to hear)

The mess in my house is driving me absolutely nuts and I wish Monk lived at my house.  His level of order and organization looks REALLY REFRESHING

Sitting or laying down sounds way better to me than moving (when usually sitting still for too long is a punishment to me)

Listening and concentrating is difficult

I am angry or very sad or very frustrated or very WHATEVER

This is my list.  The challenge, then, is to recognize it and try to delegate or get help before I really have to find that hospital or join Monk in his ritual cleaning.

The other challenge is not to compare myself to others.  I know sometimes I can handle way more than other times.  It is hard to accept, but I guess if my goal is to keep the peace (especially inner peace) I need to be a friend to myself.

I really want to be helpful and useful to the world.  How can I do that very well in a major melt-down?  I guess I will have to recognize the danger signals and act sooner to prevent overload or explosion.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Trying to work with a boulder

Boulder-juggling

Image via Wikipedia

You must have cooperation to move, but you just don’t have it.  That is one example of being stuck between a rock and a hard spot.  When you have a tantrum throwing toddler, you may not enjoy it, but you can pick up the reluctant ball and basically drag him or her behind.  But it doesn’t take long before the child is too big and that is nearly impossible.

There are many ways we try to cajole people into rolling in our direction.   Sometimes we fight and argue as if talking louder, like kicking your toe on the rock, would actually get it to budge.  Sometimes it works slightly, but just as likely it doesn’t or it rolls back and crushes your toe afterward.  Ouch!

Sometimes like Dr. Seuss’s Zax story we are fortunate enough to find a way around the boulder.  Or unfortunately we square up to it and refuse to move until the other does.  This is a recipe for NOT moving forward.  If you want to die on that hill, be my guest.  But, I want a better solution.

Teenagers, spouses, coworkers, students, teachers, team members, in fact ANY TWO PEOPLE are usually not going to all be going the same direction or need the same things all of the time.  It is no wonder we have a few car wrecks along the way.  My point is, we want to avoid the head on collisions, right?

So, what do we DO with someone else’s lack of cooperation or bad attitude?

My best solution comes from Captain Jack Sparrow on Disney’s Pirates of the Carribean.  You have to clearly keep in mind what you can do, and what you can’t do.  Captain Jack could kill the guy off, but he couldn’t pilot the ship all on his own.  Sounds like pretty good advice to me.

Sometimes we get so frusterated at someone’s lack of cooperation, that we nearly literally slay the person realizing too late that by verbally slaughtering them we are now left totally alone to try to pilot an impossible ship.  We must work together to be successful, regularly.

Keeping in mind, then, what I have most control over (myself and my environment) and remembering what is entirely outside of my control (another), I have to then decide what I will do about it.

I wish my children would understand this.  They endlessly tell me about how someone is not doing what they want them to and instead of accepting that reality and building a bridge over the zax to find another way to accomplish their desires, they will sit and argue with a zax.  Then, when I refuse to go talk to a zax (I have noticed that Zax attitudes are rarely overcome by two people talking to them instead of one), they start to be unhappy with me because I will not act the way they want me to, either.  It is a funny thing about people.  Mostly they do what they WANT to and not what YOU WANT them to.

Some people are so entrenched from all the battles, that they have totally lost sight of what they want for themselves, but they are still sure it isn’t what YOU WANT them to do, so they dig themselves in a little deeper by resisting everyone else trying to change them and not accepting, loving, or appreciating them the way they are.

A classic resisting or rebellious teen attitude can occasionally be displayed by the best of us.  Sometimes we dig in because we are afraid of something.    Sometimes we feel alone or friendless or hurt.  There are many reasons, some of them very good why we do not cooperate.  It violates our personal morals, goes against something we believe, or is contrary to our purposes.

It’s like going on a bear hunt.  You just keep trying things until something works.  If you can’t go under it, and you can’t go over it, then, oh, no, you have to go through it.  You can’t go through a person.  So, if you do need that particular person, just keep strongly in mind what you can do.

I recommend speaking as little as possible to a Zax.  He or she will be able to hear better after they cool off a bit.

Your own great attitude can sometimes rub off if it doesn’t overwhelm and irritate the crabby one.  You can go off and do the best you can at enjoying it with the ones who do want to help instead of stalling over the one non-budger.

The environment is probably your very best friend.  Sometimes a changing location or procedure can avoid a lot of problems.  See what you can change in your own expectations, schedule, location, and focus to help you smoothly flow around instead of fight the boulder.  You may notice that after a while, if you aren’t pressuring it so, it may get up and move all on its own.

And, of course, there may be a time when you absolutely must just sit down and wait.  Admitting that truth and not letting it bother you may eventually lead you to thank the other person who saw it another way.  You just never know.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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To List or not to List, That is the Question

I am a big picture thinking, detail disliking, list maker.

I make a list for everything so I don’t have to remember anything

So my brain can be free to wonder and seek

out answers to my questions.

I’ve listed for so long,

I never realized that my list was part of my problem.

I hated writing down

get dressed

over and over

or make dinner.

But write it, I did, because I really might forget .

I’m something like the absent-minded professor that way.

This was, however, counterproductive.

Because once my list gets over 5 things long,

My list starts to stress and bother me–

a self-created monster,

task-master, and

guilt tripper.

Hum.

My most recent success has been to make new rules of what will and will not be allowed on my list:

1–A permanent list of routine items are posted in two places.  These are the core must dos–most of them so mundane no one should have to write them and in fact, I sometimes wonder, why we must do them.  But, I tried not doing them and Yes, we really must do them.  So, there they are.

2–A rocks of the day list.  This is a list of 1 to 3 items per day that are the most important tasks that I WANT to do that will have the most impact if I do them.  OOH, not so hard to list.  These I schedule with a time attached into my day.  Now we are going someplace.  I found out through experience that most of my day is already spoken for.  One to three rocks is all I can reasonably hope to fit in.  And, they are so few, I might actually remember them.

3–What NOT to list:  I do not list my routine must dos.

I also realized I do not need to list anything visually reminding.  Like the mold in the shower will remind me to take care of that, or the bathroom light not working . . . you get the idea.  I am reasonably certain that even I will not forget or be allowed to forget these things.

I also do not need to list anything that is scheduled in with an appointment time.  This may be a rock of the day, but it doesn’t need to go on my list.

I don’t need to list all the awesome things I’d like to do or could do or might do.  All these glorious ideas can be kept on a could do list somewhere else for when I have room in my rock basket for the day to throw one in.  But, left on my regular list they just cry for attention or they whine because I never got to them.   I have decided I definitely don’t need to keep making my imagination list so big that it beats me up regularly in reality.

4–If it has a deadline, I schedule it in reverse and add about twice as much time (in case of emergency).  Real life continually teaches me to aim for early (partly because everything in real life takes 2-4 times as long as I imagine it will).  This will get it off my calendar and into my day in time to do it easily–I hope.

5–So the only list I have left that I make and look at everyday is on a tiny notebook.  I only write on it the things that can be done anytime, are hard to prioritize, need to be done, don’t take long to do (if it takes long I need to calendar it out like a project see #4) and I will forget–no visual or intrinsic reminder.  But, they can be done WHENEVER.  I call this little notebook my whenever book and whenever I have a small block of time, I can easily fill it and check one of these babies off.  Then, whenever I get one page done, I get a glorious reward.  I get to throw the page away!  And, I never have to see a very long list.  So I don’t get bogged down.

And, I ultimately get exactly the result I wanted.  I get to not worry.

There is always enough time for the most important things.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Reaching Out

I want to meet you.

I want to reach out to you.

My happiness skyrockets whenever  I can help anyone (myself included) to live well: healthy, wealthy, and wise.

I’ve always felt a strong interconnection with people.   I watch as one person will actually change the trajectory of another like a Sun or Black Hole causes a warp in the space/time fabric.  It is like us.  I feel part of it and want to share my experience with you and what I’ve learned.  I also want to learn from you and benefit from all you know, if you will share.

This is my attempt to do just that–to share.  I’m taking a step into the wide world with faith that there are so many friends there I can’t wait to meet.  With faith that you or someone you know might enjoy or benefit from association with a new friend.

If there is anything I want, it is that we can live well together.  I’m a wall breaker, and a bridge builder.  I love harmony and cooperation, but do not want to be coercive.  I respect your right to choose who you are and your world view.