balance

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Insecurity or pursuit?

A Weaving Path Through the Wetlands

A Weaving Path Through the Wetlands (Photo credit: Stuck in Customs)

Painfully aware of all I do not know

of each mistake

of all my missing strengths

it isn’t even perfectionism

just the truth

that my brain can’t hold

all I wish it would

that my missing talents prevent

consistent excellence

like I love.

I love to excel

I love to impress

I’m most enamoured with

continuous progress

So much so that

I am regularly suprised

at how well I do perform

and how many people do

stick around and still love me

because I failed to appreciate

all I do know

all I can do

all I am

too distracted by

what isn’t me

Yet!

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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A Lady

 With a feline grace,

she walks along the fence

and royally refuses

to give up in any sense.

 

She’s creative

and won’t allow

problems or surprises

to cause a cow.

 

She is patient.

Her pace is fine.

She’s at peace

with her friend, Time.

 

An excellent example of

realistic expectations,

she encourages me to

flow with the changes

 

that inevitably are part

of life to be expected

and while never giving up

still need to be accepted.

 

She teaches me by example

how to royally hold my chin,

accept life as it comes,

but never to give in!

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Cotton Candy

Cotton Candy Making

Cotton Candy Making (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I watched my daughter

standing in line for cotton candy

at a school fundraising fair.

She was so kind,

she gave her place in line

to all the little children who came up behind her.

It quickly became clear

that she would NEVER get some, too;

and it would not have hurt a soul

if she’d just kept her place in line.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

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Recipe for healthy wants and also wants: an answer to hyperfocus

First get them in a single file line, a list works well,

then eliminate or delegate all I can not do

then set up a schedule

and let each one cycle through.

Now no want will go hungry

if it’s worth it’s place in line.

Remembering what I also want

satisfies me every time.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)

Scheduling is nothing new.  But, scheduling what I WANT was for me a big discovery.  I used to only schedule what I HAD to do and usually did NOT want to do.  Scheduling only what I have to do but don’t want to gave it a bad kind of aftertaste.

A schedule?  Something to be avoided!

I now schedule time for what I need and want and time for what my family needs and wants from me.  This seems to calm the demanding, screaming  of neglected needs I used to feel after every time I was busy for an extended period of time.

Stong focus is a strength and a weakness for me.  I can stay focused for a very long time, driven to the end.  But, I don’t feel hunger, thirst, bathroom needs, I don’t hear people talking around me and anyone needing something is really a bother that I push away.  If I had to get interupted, beware the wrath of train wreck!!  I was like a train going down hill.  Get on board or get out of the way!  But when I’m finished, all these needs come crying out to my awareness.

I had to give up my hyperfocus to be an attentive mom.  Now that my kids are older, I’m trying to reintegrate that power of attention.  I love working in the flow where time does not exist.  But, I’m trying to do it in a way that does not punish my body and family so much.

So far WHEN I keep to my schedule it is working very well.  I have to STOP which is often painful for me.  But, it is getting easier as I remember what I ALSO WANT and try to keep it from getting eaten alive by whatever I happen to be doing right now.

In fact, I want to write this, but I ALSO WANT my family to have dinner tonight.  So, as hard as it is to stop typing on this very interesting subject (I mean who doesn’t want EVERYTHING they want?)  It is easier to stop because I remember, I want and need to feed my family.

Love to all!  DarEll

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Just Meet It!

I wish that cars didn’t break down

that we didn’t always have to eat

that sleep was totally optional and

all frustrating, annoying, and expensive

obstacles would just disappear.

I would wish away my physicals

and skip the appointments, too

fillings would be the first to go

then ironing and moping floors

battling moldy tile grout

an aging, leaky house

bugs and dirt

calories and weight

Dirty diapers, runny noses

whiney, fighting kids.

I’d wish it all over.

Maybe I could finally win.

Something might stay done.

Everyone would be happy at the same time.

Object permanence.

But, NOT POSSIBLE!

I’d wish away the very things of life

there’d be no transportation

no child’s laugh or cry

no gooey, chocolate chip cookies

or a sparkling sink with running water.

The challenges are the price of life

I must stop expecting myself to beat

And instead accept their presence

and each one simply meet.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson (dsh)