Emotional/Mental

Mental health, feelings

by

Drowning in Housework

My back to the ocean,

photo courtesy Carrie Keohane

photo courtesy Carrie Keohane

I didn’t see them coming.

I just kept getting knocked off my feet

and spun upside down in a salty somersault.

The flat spots grew piles,

The floor oozed grit,

The dishes dried on dirty

and all my efforts were always spent

just trying to get my head back in the air

and keep it up, treading water.

In a herculean effort I would jump

to clean with all my might to stay ahead of the next wave.

It would be beautiful

for a glorious moment,

but by the next day, whump.

Back to normal.

Floors sucking on the dirty clothes,

dust bunnies propagating,

hungry children.

I need a shower.

My head down, I’m drowning again

with my feet sprawling overhead.

I knew I couldn’t keep this up.

Desperate, I felt almost dead.

I was smothered in the life

ironically chosen by myself.

It kept pushing me under

over and over again.

I couldn’t catch the pattern.

I didn’t know about the tide.

My great expectations and reality

would constantly collide.

I had to turn and face the waves.

I had to run out to meet them as they’d come.

I had to plan for the surprises, too.

I simply had to find the sun.

By preparing and maintaining,

though I could not stop the tide,

my life got routinely easier than

going along for that ride.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

by

Trust

That there is enough time
for what must be done.
That if there isn’t,
there is another way.

That the future
is not predictable.
That dark clouds do
lighten up with time.

That improvement will
come with persistent practice.
That doing it badly is just
part of beginning.

That persistence wins
over failure
if the lessons
are not lost.

That unendurable things
really are endurable.
That one step at a time
is all anyone can take.

That rushing is not
necessarily more productive.
That capability often
exceeds expectations.

That while not omnipotent,
I am potent.
That although

Leap... Leap… (Photo credit: . : : v i S H a l : : .)

invisible,
my actions have impact.

That small things add up.
That attitude matters.
That something done badly
may be better than not done at all.

That tomorrow will come.
That the future is worth planning for,
and that positive changes now will
eventually bring positive outcomes.

That someone is watching me.
That someone cares.
That help is available.
That I am known.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

by

Homecoming

The familiar landscape
catches my breath
and reels me in
toward home.

When the palms shadow
the sky along my road
I know
I’m almost there.

It is just how I left it.
Yet, somehow
it seems smaller.
I sense the changes.

Rip Van Winkle’s shadow
plays tricks on my memory,
and I wonder,
“What was I expecting?”

That the world would
stand still just because
I was gone? or that
I would be the same,
simply because I feel
that way?

I left a child.
In Neverland,
I found my wings.
I want to fly away.

I never could have guessed
it would take so long to be grown.
But, for now at least,
I’m home.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

by

Do Not Memorialize Me

When I die,
especially if I die a tragic or violent death,
do not memorialize me.

Do not give permanence to the pain.
Do not give the enemy fame.
Do not spend a dime on me
past what I need.
Do not pass on the painful story
to infect a new generation with worry.
Just let the deed die with me,
and instead, don’t live dead.

If you really want to honor me,
dare to dream and move ahead.
Explore, create, and find a way
to really live up to your best self.

And then, if that is not enough,
I know just what I would ask:
Love someone a little more.
Include someone who feels left out.
Share yourself to relieve the suffering or poor.
To honor me,
just help one more.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson

Written 9/11/12

Posted today as my thoughts are directed toward the memorial service of the police officer recently gunned down by the bombing suspects.

I wrote this last year in response to the controversial cost of the proposed memorial site of 9/11.  I mean absolutely no disrespect to those who feel that monuments are worth the costs involved.  I also mean no disrespect to anyone violently killed or otherwise who has died.  Of course people need to heal however is best for them.

Also, I understand the purpose of educating people to prevent future disasters.  My children are exposed for an entire month each year to the horrors of  Germany’s concentration camps.  This, to me, is complete overkill.  You don’t have to know every gory detail to make a better choice.

This poem simply expresses how I feel.   If there is to be a monument to me, I hope it would be a living one.  A living legacy, would be, to me, the most useful monument of all and perhaps the most meaningful.

–dsh

by

Fifteen

English: Female surfer in Maui

English: Female surfer in Maui (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve asked many doctors
if there is a cure
for my common malady,
a case of teenager.

They each assure me it’s normal
but rich they’d surely be
if they could prevent the storms
most teens seem destined to see.

They say that just a few short years
is all it should reasonably take.
If waiting is the answer, then,
I pray my patience won’t break.

I wish I could keep you sheltered here
and ignore the reality of harm,
but you must learn to swim and swim hard,
not just on seas safe and warm.

I must let you struggle
and fight your way to strong.
One day I’ll see you proudly surfing
and know I wasn’t wrong.

© 2012 DarEll S. Hoskisson
written July 5, 2012
posted today in honor of my daughter’s last day of fifteen

A teen she knew from her high school just got shot and killed over the weekend. It isn’t something to take for granted, making it to sixteen. Always grateful for one more day with my family.

by

Little Lesson

I watched a little squirrel

by Demetrius

by Demetrius

dash into the road.

Darting back and forth,

it couldn’t decide

which way to go.

Although the driver

tried to dodge,

it seemed impossible

to avoid it.

“If only,” I thought

“it would pick one direction

and just keep going.”

But to my sorrow,

it did not, and I felt

the sickening collision.

The poor little thing,

run over by indecision.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

by

“Life is the real sport” –Annia Reyes

It is not getting everything done first,

Trophy

Trophy (Photo credit: cole24_)

or winning a big race.

It is not comparing yourself

or beating another’s pace.

It is not killing yourself

to keep a spotless house,

overscheduled and overwhelmed,

putting pressure on your spouse.

Working too hard is just as bad

as lazy, lethargic waste.

Keeping the big picture firmly in my mind,

the truth must be faced

That life IS now,

the journey.

and so if I constantly

overshedule and hurry,

I will lose in life along the way.

Others will not feel I care

or take the time to talk.

I may not even be there

for the ones that need me most

for intimate, quiet times

for simple, homemade meals together

for lullabies and nursery rhymes.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

The quote above I attribute to my most awesome first pilates teacher, Annia Reyes.  It is quite possible that others have said it before her and if you know of another the quote originally came from, you can please let me know.

I quote it here because to me it is such a perfect reminder of what we are trying to WIN at, and that often it is not what I think will make me happy that does.

Today I find myself overscheduled.  Yet, I still try to fit everything in, including writing my poem today.  In the big picture, I should have let it go, it is overstressing my life.  But, I find, even knowing better I can not resist the temptation to try to get 100% of my goal to write a poem each day this month.

And so, I have determined in the future to write my goals more specifically and with a range of success that leaves room for honestly living my priorities and not over-stressing my self or my family.  See my post Consistent for more thoughts on how it might be done.  –dsh