Living Well

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Assertiveness Skills from How to be an Adult by David Richo

Assertiveness resource: avoiding aggression and passive victimization

personalabridgements's avatarPersonal Abridgements

Several years ago I noticed that so often we can turn into a victim/martyr vs the bully/needy one battle. This dog eat dog world, I’ve never bought into—consciously, but often I play the role. I read another book that described 3 roles–the victim, the bully, and the hero. But, what if we didn’t play those games?

I realized that another option had to be the right one. What would that look like– to not be the victim, the bully or even the hero? (Of course with only those 3 options, who wouldn’t want to be the hero?)

I wrote it this way:
Plan A–Ate (I am the winner/bully)
Plan B–Bait (I am the victim/martyr)

What could be plan C?
I wrote Charity

I have been personally trying to discover my way out of all those other roles. How can we just be free and let others be free as well?

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What if I have no money?

It does take some money to build or rotate a survival kit.
But, it doesn’t take any money to gather what you have.

Start with what you have. Gather it together into a plastic trash bag or pillow case. Work from there.

It doesn’t take money to plan.
Make a list of what you need.
Take the time to sort it with most critical on top. Then, when you have the opportunity to work on it, start at the top.

It doesn’t take money to store water.
Ask a friend or neighbor for their old, empty two liter bottles.
Clean them thoroughly and fill with water at the tap or a drinking fountain.
You can live without almost everything else, but you NEED water. Find a way to store water. A gallon of drinking water is usually around a dollar. If you have little or no money, buy this before you buy anything unnecessary like candy, entertainment, etc.

It doesn’t take money to volunteer.
Sometimes you can work with a church or community group to earn what you need by helping others. Volunteer to collect items from the group for those that don’t have what they need. Make sure that leaders understand your need and your willingness to help others in the same predicament. Work hard to help others obtain what they need and when it is completed, you may be welcome to a share or the surplus. Take care to have the utmost honor so that you are working out a win/win plan and not a self-centered activity. It could be someone in your group is moving and would love to trade you food they don’t want to pack for help with packing and cleaning, etc.
It could be an elderly member has plenty to spare but needs help with yard or house work, etc. If you have time and energy, find creative ways to work for what you need.

It doesn’t take money to ask for help.
Talk to church or community leaders about how to obtain assistance. Food pantries, and other group and community projects may already be in place to help you. Find out what you need to know so that you can help your family be prepared. If nothing is available, see if you could work with them to create a solution for yourself and others. (see volunteering)

It doesn’t take money to have patience.
If we have done all we can, we can pray, trust God, and watch and wait for divine assistance. Ultimately, we can not be prepared for all unknowns anyway. The goal is to do literally the best we can with the circumstances we’ve been given and then trust God. Use prayer to guide you to help improve your circumstances. Often if our finances are so tight we have nothing to prepare with, we are already in survival mode.

Remember this time of financial scarcity when next your situation is better, and prepare before you spend your money on non-necessities. When your are thriving, save money and prepare for emergencies.

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The big picture: 72 hr kits in 6 time periods (months, weeks, or days)

A Summary for those that like to see it all in one shot:

1.  (March) Plan, Gather information, 1 gallon of water per person

2. (April)  Water (3 gal/person), Communication plans, means, and important documents

3.  (May) Food and prescriptions including glasses, baby items, needed eating equipment

4.  (June) Clothing and Hygiene items: include Emergency blankets, ponchos, shoes, etc. in waterproof bags or containers

5.  (July) Shelter and First AId:  Protection from rain, sun, bugs, heat and cold.  Extra bandaging for disaster type injuries.

6.  (Aug)  Equipment, Light, and Power sources:  whistle, flashlight, glowsticks, small shovel, rope, can opener, hammer, batteries, etc.

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Beets Mom

This year for Mothers’ Day, my youngest son gave me a hand written, colorful note.

It says, “Happy Mothers Day. The best moms teach yoga!” I laughed and had to share it with my yoga class. Thank heavens I teach yoga or else, how could I be the best mom?

Best, Beets–They are about the same thing and this year my thoughts on Moms went straight for that vegetable. The week before Mother’s day I found in the grocery store the largest, most beautiful fresh beets I’d ever seen. They were large and had big red and green stems that were leafy, not wilted and looked very fresh.

I bought them and prepared them for dinner. I thought they were wonderful, but most of my children did not appreciate them at all. In fact, it is a good thing I like them because I’m still eating left-overs.

I think beets are the best symbol for a good mom. They might not always have the most attractive skin, but they are good for you and wonderful. All the beauty they have inside colors everything they do. My hands were red from the contact for two days. The water they cooked in was red. A gentle, unintentional influence. So, so beautiful and natural and nutritious.

So, maybe yoga is the best, but this year for me, beets beat all as the symbol for the Mom I want to be (whether the children recognize it’s beauty, it’s value, or it’s significance or not.)

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The battle of Bedford Falls

Drama.  Excitement. 

I am very human in the way I love to feel alive.  See the excitement in life all around me.  I love to find it for myself by trying new things, asking questions, searching for answers.

But, what I struggle with most, I think, is the very common, everyday life that is incredibly monotonous.  Wake up every morning.  Still need to make breakfast, dishes, laundry, whiney or fighting kids, dirt, sadness, meanness, decay, things that break and need to be fixed. The mundane.  The predictable.  The incomprehensibly never complete-able. 

It is one thing to be out on a horse conquering some big dragon out in the universe.  It is still another to stay home and fight ingratitude, boredom, and normal resistance to progress. 

It is like fighting gravity.  You want to be in outer space, above it all, doing something grand.

But, the fact is, life is happening on earth.  That is where it is.  Life is dirt.  It is a cycle of dirt.  It is hunger.  It is a cycle of hunger.  When you are winning, you don’t have something new and wonderful, you are just free from something distasteful. 

It takes a keen sight to find the glory is working hard to get rid of something unwanted that relentlessly comes back.  And, you know, if you quit, you will lose.  But if you work super hard you can never win.  It will always come back.

The weeds will come back, the dirt will come back, the hunger will come back, the bills will come again, the clothes will wear out, that thing will break.

Which war is harder, I wonder?  They are both necessary. 

But, it takes a very courageous person to carry on knowing it is a doomed mission.  It will never be finished.

But, perhaps that is the glory of it? 

The challenges are necessary to life, like gravity.

To win the war, we have to win the daily battle in Bedford Falls. 

(I’m just noticing how fitting that town name is.  Here is where we sleep.  Here is where we fall down.  Here is where we help each other keep getting up again.)

dsh

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Everyday Courage

I was walking out of Walmart the other day and happened to see an elderly man at the check out counter.  A hanger fell to the ground and he was struggling to bend his knees and hips enough to pick it up.  I paused and watched him for a moment.  This, in all the commotion, caught my attention and I paused. 

He could have ignored it.  No one may have noticed or cared.  Someone else could have picked it up.  Doing it was so difficult it attracted attention and could have been very embarrassing to him.  

I’m sure my stopping to stare may not have been helpful.  But, if he could have read my thoughts, he would have heard several things.  I teach yoga and would have loved to be able to gently help him improve his range of motion over time.  I wondered what his circumstances where that made such a normal movement so challenging.  Maybe he had arthritis or a joint replacement.

But, most of all, I call it courage.  His example burns in my mind as a triumph.  He would not avoid trying it even though it was incredibly difficult, even though he had a big audience, and even though what was hard for him would be easy for most other people.

He had the courage to do it anyway.  And he did it his way.  Speed was less important than trying and succeeding at long last. 

And he did succeed. 

I don’t know what conditions he may have that limit his movements, but in most cases movement improves movement.  Trying makes possible what was not possible before.  And, even if physically he is no better off for reasons beyond his control, I am better off–

because he dared to do it –Anyway. 

dsh

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Balance

English: Circus tent A circus visits Pittencri...

English: Circus tent A circus visits Pittencrieff Park nearly every year. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My life has been a circus tent.

I’m learning how to juggle.

I set up a great big show.

No crowd could burst my bubble.

I’d spin a plate.  I’d throw a ball.

I’d run about, AMAZE!

I had the happy crowd abuzz

with each new feat

on stage.

But, it got harder

and harder to impress.

So many balls and plates

an inevitable mess.

Until balance seemed an impossible circus trick,

and I needed a real-life balancing act.

So, I asked the Ring-leader how it could all be done

and He a-light and full of fun

surprisingly replied,

“just spin one plate.”

© 2007 DarEll S. Hoskisson

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Walk to cure diabetes

Want to find a way to exercise and help others, but not an athlete or able to run long distances?

You might try this way to WALK to help cure Diabetes.  They have walks all over the United States and it doesn’t split up families.  Children and teens can participate, too.

You can even sign up to get notifications of a walk in your area.

Check it out.  Love, DarEll

walk.jdrf.org

 

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VICTORY

Mountain Climber type of guy

Mountain Climber type of guy (Photo credit: HikingArtist.com)

Flying across the finish line,
Floating into tomorrow,
I wonder if my feet will ever
touch the ground again.

How are you?
I’m awesome.
I feel fabulous.
I wish I could share.

It tastes so good,
no one could resist
going after some more.
At least I can’t.

I wish I could give it away,
but I can’t.
This fab fountain erupts
from the inside out.

Hard work, skinned knees,
talking back to
discouragement and,
persevering are SO worth it.

A guttural scream of happiness
escapes me as I reach
for the sky.
EEEEEEEEEEEEAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

Gimme some more.
I love to learn.
Love to earn.
Oooh, VICTORY
feels so good on me!

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson

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Drowning in Housework

My back to the ocean,

photo courtesy Carrie Keohane

photo courtesy Carrie Keohane

I didn’t see them coming.

I just kept getting knocked off my feet

and spun upside down in a salty somersault.

The flat spots grew piles,

The floor oozed grit,

The dishes dried on dirty

and all my efforts were always spent

just trying to get my head back in the air

and keep it up, treading water.

In a herculean effort I would jump

to clean with all my might to stay ahead of the next wave.

It would be beautiful

for a glorious moment,

but by the next day, whump.

Back to normal.

Floors sucking on the dirty clothes,

dust bunnies propagating,

hungry children.

I need a shower.

My head down, I’m drowning again

with my feet sprawling overhead.

I knew I couldn’t keep this up.

Desperate, I felt almost dead.

I was smothered in the life

ironically chosen by myself.

It kept pushing me under

over and over again.

I couldn’t catch the pattern.

I didn’t know about the tide.

My great expectations and reality

would constantly collide.

I had to turn and face the waves.

I had to run out to meet them as they’d come.

I had to plan for the surprises, too.

I simply had to find the sun.

By preparing and maintaining,

though I could not stop the tide,

my life got routinely easier than

going along for that ride.

© 2013 DarEll S. Hoskisson